One Sided Love - A Half Love Story

How many times have you been through a feeling where you love a person and that person doesn't love you back and when you are ready to do anything for their attention, their expression and their affection to you. Trust me you are not at all alone, there are people to keep you in good company. This is something that you would have come up with time and again, either with yourself or with your set of friends. This is a really a weird feeling to have, where you are ready to give in your time, money and most important of all your feelings to a single person. Weird isn't it?? Yeah rite, it is and you would now feel quite stupid to have done all that. We all do feel funny when we realize what stupidity we all did, but trust me this was the foreground where we learnt quite a lot about feelings and relationships and the factors governing them.

To be frank it isn't that bad a feeling to have, you tend to fall for the person who doesn't love you back maybe due to the lack of attention he/she pays to you and actually doesn't realize your existence until someone tells them that you too exist. It is a tendency to love the things that are out of your reach and the ones that don't give you that attention you seek. It becomes an impulse for you to have them in your life. It all starts with hate and then that hate actually changes into a form of negative love kinda feeling and then you start to feel weird. Weird in a way that you start to realize that you are actually started to fall for that person you were supposed to hate. You start to see those small little expressions from them and all the weird stuff starts to rotate around you, you start thinking that may be that person is the one that you were meant to be with. You start feeling that all the things are propelling you to be with that person, you seem that all things are working towards doing that. You find yourself in the middle of a situation where in you can't control your emotions and neither can you help yourself being with that   person. Things seem far more stretched than ever, your friends start to notice that change in your behavior and that way you come across. They won't understand the creepy way you have started to put up but still there is a chance that they might come to know about your feelings if you spill the beans out for them.

Now coming to the situation where in you have started showing emotions to this other person, you start to feel weirdly good at times, thinking that maybe this is how it was meant to be and stuff like that. You start seeking attention from that person because you want him/her to notice you out of the crowd. This ain't bad my friends, but then there is always this risk of actually you hurting yourself in this process. One sided feelings and emotions won't take your relationship to a distance, it's just like a car showing empty fuel tank and you never know when it would stop working. Don't let this thing happen to you, because you would have started loving that person with all your might and shown all your dedication to him/her without actually thinking what they feel about you. Relationship is a two sided seesaw, involving two people who actually feel the same for each other. It is no good loving that one person who can never be in your life as it only takes that time away from you and hurts you badly and you start thinking that the world is over for you. Trust me sometimes even though you are with a person whom you love without any reciprocation from his/her side, it is worst than being lonely. You are lonely in a relationship and that is the biggest trouble. Loving a person who does not love you back is the worst feeling that you can have and to add to it when you come across that the same person has fallen for someone else, you start thinking and comparing yourself with that person, feeling was I not that good enough. When you have that feeling you start losing a part of you and within no time you are a changed personality and this is a thing you realize over a period of time. We have this weird ability. we all have where we think that we can make a person fall in love with us with all the attics and tactics from our side, but what we forget is that this all relationship is all about feelings and no gimmicks and one day the other person would see through this and it would all end on a bad note. We can't make a person fall in love with us until that other person wants to fall in for us, then that is a mutual feeling. It is no good loving a person who does not love you back, when you don't get that love back, it hurts real bad.

I know it is weird that sometimes when we approach someone we love we come to know that she was also the one who was madly in love with you, but was frisky about taking the initiative and telling her feelings to you. The best alternative to all the lovers out there is that please try your heart out once for that person whom you love, if he/she has any such feeling they would reciprocate and if you want to play the waiting game please be ready to face the consequences at last, i know we all have this tendency where in we overlook the future possibilities so that we can be with that person, but then as I say that time doesn't wait for anyone, it didn't for me and it would not for you. But I would still try and I say you must also try, don't let your love story be only with you, let it out tell that person you him/her and leave the rest to their feelings and appreciate their decision as well because my friends love is nothing but a thread of feelings that attaches one to the other for eternity.

Perceptions - A Tough Business

Perceptions they say is a tricky affair, you know when you form one you kind a stick to that, what ever may happen a change of heart or a change in the person himself but some where we have that idea preconceived. People may tend to change but then do our perceptions for them change??? A very big question, a hefty one i would say. The answer lies within ourselves; you know we may be rational for things happening in other lives but then we become erratic when things happen in our own lives. Just yesterday i was having a delightful conversation to one of my friends, a girl and she told me how she actually saw perceptions changing and with that the reaction of those people as well.

The thing happened when she was having a farewell party for her masters and one of her friends has just planned to actually take a shot at drinking. Her friend was a teetotaler till this time and she just wanted to try. My friend being the good friend she is just agreed to her wish. To tell you a background my friend is hard working person, a university merit holder, an out going person to the core and an occasional drinker. So when the party was in full flow the girls thought to sneak out and have a drink to celebrate the occasion. My friend as she is just took the drinks out of the bar and she raised a toast to them, hardly knowing that people were actually seeing them and as if it mattered to her. Guys actually noticed this and they were pretty much in shock seeing their meritorious and topper friend having a drink and started to behave as if this was not meant to be for them. To add to it the people just started behaving vaguely with them, which was just a shocker to my friend. You know the perceptions here played a big part, they had made a perception of her as being that nerdy, geeky and a studious girl which she was but they had actually left out the part that she also had the right to enjoy her life. 

You know guys this happens to quiet a lot of people and even i have been under the scanner some times, but then how can u actually start perceiving a person in the way u want to and actually think that he/ she should exactly behave the way you have set the standards for them. This is ridiculous, i must say utterly ridiculous. A persons should not be judged based on your perceptions, he can't behave the way you think he should. If the same condition is applied to you then you would actually also be in the line of fire. So is it bad to make perceptions???? I would say, no but then what is bad is that u actually make a benchmark from those perceptions you had previously created for that person. You can't be judgmental all the times. A person is allowed to do what he/she feels like doing, you see all can't be good and all can't be bad. So there are all kinds of people around there and just your perceptions limit you to actually not comprehend the facts. People can be good to you and bad to you doesn't mean that a person who is bad to you is bad for every one or vice-verse. You know every one can't like you, some one would definitely hate you and that's a fact. Perceptions limit our ability to make friends and be friends at times; what we should learn from perceptions is that we should actually be aware of the situations where a person actually behaves in a particular manner. Once we have that in mind it becomes very difficult for a person to actually play with us. So actually we should form perceptions but then keeping right them within our heart is very bad and we should refrain from that. Give people their own way and freedom to do what they want, don't get carried off because of the fact that they didn't behave in the way you wanted them to, this is no reason to actually shove them off or hate them for who they are. 

Same things happens in a relationship, one of the major cause for a relationship fall-outs are perceptions. perceptions that we normally keep of one another and that is what makes our expectations grow to a higher level and that is when things tend to change. The situations are never the same for every one and we actually need to be a bit more understanding and little more accommodating to actually keep aside our perceptions, actually act on merit of the situation. Believing in this thing we actually are helping our relationship ourselves, when we start taking steps for keeping it the way it is and its then when we are strengthening our relationship.

The Nice Girl Concept

My today's post is dedicated to one of my closest friends that i have had. I know he would read this and curse at me, but still i am determined to post it. So my today's post is an ode to all those boys who are actually like a girl and just don't want to confess the fact, they just want to get away with "The Nice Girl Concept". All you guys out there you know what i am talking about; don't you.

There comes a time when you become so much intrigued to a person that your  passions and emotions know no boundaries and it becomes visible to every that surrounds you in your social life. Then you have the feeling of becoming speechless and don't know what to say to shut their mouth and put an end to the discussion. Now let me get straight to the story. The story is not different from the rest but just that there are twists to the tale. So lets just begin. A guy starts up talking to a girl and they start sharing their things. Then their small talks become big talks and eventually the day calling affair becomes a night calling affair. The night calling becomes a regular phenomenon and actually then as technologically advanced age would say it changes to a Skype Affair. The guy is far and the girl wants to have a glimpse and what could technology have done better than video calling. Guy becomes engrossed in the world involving just the girl, she just becomes the primordial important thing in his life. He is so engrossed that he starts to shave away from the worldly affairs that the friends start seeing so little of him. He starts eating, living, talking in his room. His room becomes his paradise and the computer becomes his transportation medium. The door remains closed and when the friends visit by he just has his earphones attached to the computer and that lovely smile on his face, seeing his friends the smile changes it contours and it becomes into a guilty smile. The friends know about the whole scenario still they give him all the space his needs, the same story repeats itself time and again. He starts dwindling with his time and his friends just wait over for him, 5 minutes become 2 hours and the clock still ticks on. Seeing all these things go on and on for weeks friends catch hold of him on a dinner party, and ask him questions as to what is he up to with this "Girl" in his life.

So now here comes the twist, the answer that the guy has in store for his friends is that there is nothing so fishy about the girl, they are friends and moreover she is a "Nice Girl". When friends ask that what is a nice girl? He just says that she is just nice yaar, nothing much right now. So what's this "Nice Girl", nice girl is all about a girl that a guy likes, and just wants to hide right till the time he is confident enough to tell about it to his friends. Now a days people have got this thing going where they are skeptical of actually accepting the fact that they like some one, until and unless they are sure enough that they can make that public. With actually making their liking public, they actually ate taking a risk of presenting a part of their personal life which until now was unexposed. Now when they expose this part of their life they actually are putting themselves in a state of vulnerability. Vulnerability their are well aware of; they know if the things between them works it fine but when the thing doesn't work out it leaves them in a tight spot where they actually think they made a mistake and people surrounding them actually see the other side to it. So to actually to overcome these vulnerabilities and actually keep their personal life and liking separate guys use this concept of "Nice Girl". Guys heart in heart know their feelings and its not and to actually protect oneself from getting hurt or be preventive against the situations which can't be accounted for now in the present. 

I have actually used the concept myself quiet a lot and got off with that without getting hurt. It may sound funny but then i have actually been through and used it, trust me this works and you can actually prevent yourself from getting hurt or getting exposed. It may help u guys prevent a heart break until you are sure with that person being the one you always wanted in your life and waited all your life.

Does One Heartbreak mean - the end of the Road ???

Guys this is one of the most common things you would come across; a heart break and the end of the love road. Now that's sad, some one else broke the heart and you have to pay for that and the one u love slip away into a shadow of individual loneliness. I am sure this would have happened to you guys, you love a girl who has her heart broken and she won't enter into a relationship or you love a guy who got ditched (but then guys get their screws right after that and eventually if the girl is persuasive enough they fall in for their charms). But today my post revolves around this girl that you love and she will not fall in a relationship with you.

We all have heart breaks whether big or small, we just tend to have them. It's just like a rose with thorns and eventually we get thorns. There are a few that get the rose but they still are few. So actually what does happen - the girls that just had a heart break how come do they make us fall in love with them. Simple guys, wine is better when its old. They get wiser and much more attractive once they have a bad experience. But that makes them even more difficult to get to fall in for you. You know they gain a lot of uncalled experience during that period. But still that uncanny ability and their out going nature makes us just fall for them, their intelligent talks, mature advice, passionate eyes and that uncanny smile makes us go gaga over them. So we tend to fall in for her, we start thinking her to be "The One" we always wanted to be with, spend time together. The problem is that they don't get your point. They don't believe that you are the right guy for them ,even though you think so -they have their reasons to think just the opposite. 

We usually start doing things for them- show them that extra caring attitude, do stuff for them which we won't do for any one else and then that feeling creeps in- you start making them feel special and then your heart skips a beat and tells you to show your love and express your feelings. And what now comes the part you guys don't want to be a part of - you commit your feelings, tell them you love her and she just says - she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She says that you are just a great guy and any other girl would be happy to have you in her life.

Now there comes a point where you start thinking when you are good for every other girl, what's wrong with the one you are asking out. The thing is pretty complex - she doesn't want to hurt, she wants you by her side still but then she has this latent fear of a heart break coming her way again, which she clearly doesn't want. Sometimes girls do say that they need time to think, but then i believe that when you loose the moment you loose quiet a bit, she may come back but then still she needed to think to come to you, it should be instantaneous or take less time clearly not ages. But most often you are left at the mercy of the girl for the sake of your feelings. You start to think then what went wrong, even though you did your best to make her happy and did what she liked or wanted. Then you start to question your judgement and your feelings. That's a time you feel lonely and have an urge wanting to reveal your emotions; you want to vent out your feelings. 

You know in all this process guys we tend to forget quiet a few things, 

a) Girls too have heart and that too broken-you know these things need time to heal, sometimes they may heal quicker and sometimes late, it's all up to girls how they go about heart breaks

b) Girls have their own fears - we may say that we understand them fully but then a girl would always have that fear of failure- she doesn't want to be involved again in a heart break - its like getting rescued from a trench just to fall into a gorge.

c) Allow time and space - usually we tend to be too fast with our emotions and block that time and space that girl was enjoying till we encroached that; she was happy with her freedom. Make her realize that you won't snatch her freedom and personal space and this my friend requires time

d) Don't get too nervy and ask things you want to ask - i know you guys are intelligent enough to ask questions in a twisted manner just to know what running through her mind, but guess what my intelligent folks girls ain't that dumb either. So stop using those twisters and don't get itchy into asking her those questions, that makes her so irritated

e) Stop pretending that you know what's best and what will work - you all know that you are no experts when it comes to relationships, had you been one, you would have never been in such a situation so stop pretending that you know how she feels and you know how things will work at her end.

You know these may be things that we do know at times, but we do them involuntarily - just like the advise, every one loves to give that before even knowing the situation fully.

What best we can do is to actually make that time we spend with her special, make that time memorable- make her laugh , make her smile but maintain that gap of making her feel special, let time take its way and create a path for you to walk together. And when you probably get a good hold of each other, discuss your possibilities of getting together. Though a "No" always hurts but its still better than a heart break.