Perceptions - A Tough Business

Perceptions they say is a tricky affair, you know when you form one you kind a stick to that, what ever may happen a change of heart or a change in the person himself but some where we have that idea preconceived. People may tend to change but then do our perceptions for them change??? A very big question, a hefty one i would say. The answer lies within ourselves; you know we may be rational for things happening in other lives but then we become erratic when things happen in our own lives. Just yesterday i was having a delightful conversation to one of my friends, a girl and she told me how she actually saw perceptions changing and with that the reaction of those people as well.

The thing happened when she was having a farewell party for her masters and one of her friends has just planned to actually take a shot at drinking. Her friend was a teetotaler till this time and she just wanted to try. My friend being the good friend she is just agreed to her wish. To tell you a background my friend is hard working person, a university merit holder, an out going person to the core and an occasional drinker. So when the party was in full flow the girls thought to sneak out and have a drink to celebrate the occasion. My friend as she is just took the drinks out of the bar and she raised a toast to them, hardly knowing that people were actually seeing them and as if it mattered to her. Guys actually noticed this and they were pretty much in shock seeing their meritorious and topper friend having a drink and started to behave as if this was not meant to be for them. To add to it the people just started behaving vaguely with them, which was just a shocker to my friend. You know the perceptions here played a big part, they had made a perception of her as being that nerdy, geeky and a studious girl which she was but they had actually left out the part that she also had the right to enjoy her life. 

You know guys this happens to quiet a lot of people and even i have been under the scanner some times, but then how can u actually start perceiving a person in the way u want to and actually think that he/ she should exactly behave the way you have set the standards for them. This is ridiculous, i must say utterly ridiculous. A persons should not be judged based on your perceptions, he can't behave the way you think he should. If the same condition is applied to you then you would actually also be in the line of fire. So is it bad to make perceptions???? I would say, no but then what is bad is that u actually make a benchmark from those perceptions you had previously created for that person. You can't be judgmental all the times. A person is allowed to do what he/she feels like doing, you see all can't be good and all can't be bad. So there are all kinds of people around there and just your perceptions limit you to actually not comprehend the facts. People can be good to you and bad to you doesn't mean that a person who is bad to you is bad for every one or vice-verse. You know every one can't like you, some one would definitely hate you and that's a fact. Perceptions limit our ability to make friends and be friends at times; what we should learn from perceptions is that we should actually be aware of the situations where a person actually behaves in a particular manner. Once we have that in mind it becomes very difficult for a person to actually play with us. So actually we should form perceptions but then keeping right them within our heart is very bad and we should refrain from that. Give people their own way and freedom to do what they want, don't get carried off because of the fact that they didn't behave in the way you wanted them to, this is no reason to actually shove them off or hate them for who they are. 

Same things happens in a relationship, one of the major cause for a relationship fall-outs are perceptions. perceptions that we normally keep of one another and that is what makes our expectations grow to a higher level and that is when things tend to change. The situations are never the same for every one and we actually need to be a bit more understanding and little more accommodating to actually keep aside our perceptions, actually act on merit of the situation. Believing in this thing we actually are helping our relationship ourselves, when we start taking steps for keeping it the way it is and its then when we are strengthening our relationship.

The Emotional You - A Trouble in paradise

This post is dedicated to all the girls out there and i personally am obliged to a girl that has motivated me to write this piece, she thought i may be a chauvinist. I may not have done that exactly but taking to her criticism i am dedicating this to her.
Emotions are a very powerful tool of conveying what is boiling down in your heart and mind. To put in exact words its like a mirror to your inner self, a description that allows people to know what you are going through. Every one has their own opinions and perceptions about emotions, but trust me people are very good at giving advise related to emotional issues. They love sharing their feelings and that they are adding their own judge-mental errors to it involuntarily. Now coming to the concept of emotions; its very well known that both the genders are emotional but guys are a little more emotionally introvert  - the tendency to show their emotions in larger groups is limited whilst girls are a little emotionally extrovert. Guys have this ability to actually hide their emotions from others because of their manly egoist concept which actually says that they are the stronger ones and can't act emotionally - which guys imply as that its very girlish to act so. While girls on the contrary are emotionally more expressive, so tendency to portray the same in groups increases many folds.

Fact is that Girls/ Women/ Females are the ones that complete Guys/ Men / Male vice-verse; you accept this or not but then we crave for the companionship of one another. This is the truth, if we don't  have one, we want one and if we have one, we are always on the prowl of something better (in our relationship or out of it). That's our nature, we are like that and we are meant to be that ways, we may not start the comparisons intentionally but then they were always there. Now coming to the Emotional connect, we have this tendency to have the emotional connect within the genders and when the relation starts to fall out so do the emotions. The relationship falls out within our hearts and emotions have an exterior vent of falling - may be expressions, tears, behavior, attitude, habits etc. Now coming to this as said before girls have the tendency to be emotionally extrovert so they show it and we see it coming- don't we guys?? Guys would generally talk to their friends or would take to drinking or would go in this deep acute obstinate black hole which takes weeks or some times year to come out of. Girls come out faster and the reason is they are much eager and they want out. 

Girls you are emotionally both weak and strong, weak when you are having a fall-out and strong when you overcome that fallout. But now when you are weak, there arises a problem i call- "The Emotional You". A situation where you are helpless; you don't know what is happening to you; you have a strained behavior and you constraint yourself to all the humanly possible self atrocities. Now this a situation where you are emotionally weak and need support to gain in your lost self confidence and where you are in need of some one that can put you back together in terms of your emotions and holistically as a person. This is what i call the "Troubled Waters", reason so simple to understand when you are emotionally weak, people think that you are a piece of dead meat and nothing else and take you for granted and you let them also. Guys show you support and give you a shoulder to cry; you start getting attached emotionally, now that's the tricky part here. You now guys know that when in need of emotional support, if they lend you their shoulder their is a higher probability of them have a better chance of being closer to you in every respect. You may not understand that at time; what is going through because you are already in a emotional turmoil and you need to rectify your past situation so the focus on the current one is less. People out there are very eager to actually pounce on this situation. Now this can actually lead to a fall-out and you would never know what struck you. To forget the past you just get involved in the present without even taking notes for what had happened and what caused it- this leads to trouble - and this is problem even though you come out stronger of a fall-out.

Girls you need to understand that vulnerabilities make you weak but then you don't need to wear down under pressure. You have this rational button that you need to put on; and switch off your emotional button. People around you would always show sympathy and want to be with you through this period; but then it ain't that simple. The ones who actually understand you; have been there for you always when ever you had your back to the wall- don't just forget that. It's similar to a fire, a fire can actually burn down a house and can also provide warmth, but there is always a difference. Don't let guys take advantage of your emotions, sometimes they may do it on purpose and sometimes involuntarily but then their expectations start to mount and they think that they own you for their support, which ain't true. You require support but then that is unconditional, support with conditions becomes a favor, which you are supposed to return and trust me this return business ain't good. 

Girls you need to understand that you are required to give yourself time before letting yourself in on something again, don't make a weakness a pathway for trouble in future. Guys i know you have a lot of love to give, but my friend show it, don't ask for anything in return. Give and take won't last long. If you love her, be there for her but don't make her be with you, make her understand what went wrong and how she can correct it and then may be she can see you in the picture with her, if she thinks you fit the bill. I believe that though you guys need to put in efforts to get your love; so put in the efforts but then don't expect anything out of it (i know for sure it's difficult, but then had it been easy you would have not been here in the first place), it's just like a game of chess, where in the other player may castle his queen but then the one who wins is the one who has played the longest to capture the queen for a check-mate, because from there on the queen is all yours.