How do i know if there is some thing wrong in my Relationship?

I got this from a friend of mine who shared with me his concerns regarding his relationship issue, asking how can he know that something is wrong in a relationship ? Now that my friends is a tough one to answer. It's not that this is chronic and would have symptoms for the same which we can underline and take the necessary precautions. We have to be cautious and that's what can save us from the trouble. Most of us have this issue of finding what has gone wrong with our relationship. We try and start seeing this in a different aspect and start observing things microscopically and sometimes we over do things and over ride our limits as well, just trying to salvage of what is left and trying to gain what we lost.

Can we actually come to know that something is wrong ?? The answer is yes, for sure. We can come to know, if we want to know. You know sometimes the outcome to a situation is actually our own doings which we just ignore. At times we may think that we are acting perfectly but then we may not be. Somethings perfection may be the hindrance and times may be not being perfect may be the glitch. Then how can we actually do the rightful thing, do we need some kind of a balance to sort this mess out. Do we?? No we actually don't. We actually need to act according to the situation. We have to be perfect not being  so perfect, we all expect our partner to be imperfectly perfect. But then we are not super humans, we ain't those people who can act perfectly all the time, We have the right to make mistakes and we also have this right to make up for those mistakes. If you are with the right person we will actually see that he/she would see the point and would accept you for the rightful things that you are doing.

We are people who would actually remain happy when things are good and when things go for a toss we think that it was all right till yesterday and all of a sudden what wrong happened?? We don't realize at that time, we were all this time ignoring this that were happening right in front of us, we chose to ignore them for the sake of our convenience and  just took that time to be happy. We all are right in that very aspect, we have the right to enjoy and why should we even care, but then we are the same people who care when the things go for a toss. When we are the same people, then why do we act so deferentially ?? This is who we are, this is the way we act and we would only learn while we make mistakes and take a cue from that mistake. But the point is that why should we??

We have to actually be observant enough to have the cues from our relationship, in different situations. We sometimes take things lightly, but then we have to change this habit of ours. We have to be the ones to be proactive. Things change and so do people, we have to change according to the situations and time, there may be times when we act in a particular manner but then may be the situation is completely different so we have to act accordingly. I know this is tough, but when the going gets tough, the tough get going. We have to be patient, observant and reciprocative enough to fix things. There is not a particular check list that i can mention and you an grid yourself in a similar manner and try to find out the group that you fall into. You will yourself know when things go wrong only if you have seen the thick of things and you have been the one that has had a feel of things in past. There are no symptoms that I can list here, like uneasiness of your partner, agitated behavior and not being happy in your company. It can so happen that even when he/she is happy you have some problem. Some people don't try to show of their emotions and we can't have a category for things going wrong in a relation. So just see to this that you are the one that is all what i mentioned. Please don't try and barge into some one's personal life, sometimes people need to be alone, even your partners. They need some time off for some time, they deserve it and you have to give them. please don't barge into some one's personal life, this can add to your relationship woes. 

Perceptions - A Tough Business

Perceptions they say is a tricky affair, you know when you form one you kind a stick to that, what ever may happen a change of heart or a change in the person himself but some where we have that idea preconceived. People may tend to change but then do our perceptions for them change??? A very big question, a hefty one i would say. The answer lies within ourselves; you know we may be rational for things happening in other lives but then we become erratic when things happen in our own lives. Just yesterday i was having a delightful conversation to one of my friends, a girl and she told me how she actually saw perceptions changing and with that the reaction of those people as well.

The thing happened when she was having a farewell party for her masters and one of her friends has just planned to actually take a shot at drinking. Her friend was a teetotaler till this time and she just wanted to try. My friend being the good friend she is just agreed to her wish. To tell you a background my friend is hard working person, a university merit holder, an out going person to the core and an occasional drinker. So when the party was in full flow the girls thought to sneak out and have a drink to celebrate the occasion. My friend as she is just took the drinks out of the bar and she raised a toast to them, hardly knowing that people were actually seeing them and as if it mattered to her. Guys actually noticed this and they were pretty much in shock seeing their meritorious and topper friend having a drink and started to behave as if this was not meant to be for them. To add to it the people just started behaving vaguely with them, which was just a shocker to my friend. You know the perceptions here played a big part, they had made a perception of her as being that nerdy, geeky and a studious girl which she was but they had actually left out the part that she also had the right to enjoy her life. 

You know guys this happens to quiet a lot of people and even i have been under the scanner some times, but then how can u actually start perceiving a person in the way u want to and actually think that he/ she should exactly behave the way you have set the standards for them. This is ridiculous, i must say utterly ridiculous. A persons should not be judged based on your perceptions, he can't behave the way you think he should. If the same condition is applied to you then you would actually also be in the line of fire. So is it bad to make perceptions???? I would say, no but then what is bad is that u actually make a benchmark from those perceptions you had previously created for that person. You can't be judgmental all the times. A person is allowed to do what he/she feels like doing, you see all can't be good and all can't be bad. So there are all kinds of people around there and just your perceptions limit you to actually not comprehend the facts. People can be good to you and bad to you doesn't mean that a person who is bad to you is bad for every one or vice-verse. You know every one can't like you, some one would definitely hate you and that's a fact. Perceptions limit our ability to make friends and be friends at times; what we should learn from perceptions is that we should actually be aware of the situations where a person actually behaves in a particular manner. Once we have that in mind it becomes very difficult for a person to actually play with us. So actually we should form perceptions but then keeping right them within our heart is very bad and we should refrain from that. Give people their own way and freedom to do what they want, don't get carried off because of the fact that they didn't behave in the way you wanted them to, this is no reason to actually shove them off or hate them for who they are. 

Same things happens in a relationship, one of the major cause for a relationship fall-outs are perceptions. perceptions that we normally keep of one another and that is what makes our expectations grow to a higher level and that is when things tend to change. The situations are never the same for every one and we actually need to be a bit more understanding and little more accommodating to actually keep aside our perceptions, actually act on merit of the situation. Believing in this thing we actually are helping our relationship ourselves, when we start taking steps for keeping it the way it is and its then when we are strengthening our relationship.

Don't just waste time - Say what you have to Say!!!

The ironic thing about a relationship is that we never actually realize the importance of that before it is over or on the verge of getting over - funny isn't it. We all actually have the tendency to save all our talks for the last, thinking that we might be the one ending the relationship on higher grounds giving a moral boost to our ego which we generally treat as an act of selflessness.

To add to that we keep on remembering the times we had together and what all we did and then last by certainly not the least our human tendency to compare ourselves and then sob over what has happened. Yeah that's what is the truth, believe it or not we feel bad sometimes of what happened and think that we may have changed things and what could have ended up nicely was screwed. Not to mention to the fact that everything that ends, is actually screwed. But then where were we when things were going out of proportions and why didn't we take counter measures??? Now this is a question that would take some doing to answer it.

To put it in simple words we never really think that the situation has blown out of proportion and we certainly mind our heart and mind by saying that things are good its just a mere glitch. We simply overlook the things happening around and try to be happy and in that trying we loose out what we actually stood for. We believe that people would understand us or the our relationship partner would fully know what to do and would completely know what is going through our mind. Technically and scientifically he/she doesn't ever know- this is what i call "The Relationship Bubble". He may try and understand the situation but then he can never be you- can he??? The perfection in relationships only come in fairy tales, but in the real world we ought to do something to make it sound perfect. You have to tell the other person what you feel, he is no god darn alien to understand what you are going through. Guys we are a complex beings with emotions that vary from one to a million, so just let the other person know what you are feeling, things won't change until you communicate. By not saying you would just make things even more worse, because we all comprehend situations differently.

Now Coming back to the question; now what are we supposed to do. To be frank enough i have realized over a period of time that there is nothing called as a perfect time, you have got to say what you want to say when you get a chance. I know the right chance is hard to come but then you can't just wait for time to slip by and then repent and use the most obnoxious word in the English dictionary "If" to actually clam yourselves down and justify your position. I say why don't just actually use the time that we have at our disposal to actually portray what we feel for the other. Time is never right, it never was, it is just a mental blockage that we have that we may actually see win in a definitive situation. It's just that we are too afraid of loosing, loosing some one we care for, we love and feel for. That is just fine i have no qualms about it but then you might end up loosing that person forever just waiting for the right time. Don't waste your time - just say what you have to say, at last you would be happy for the fact that you actually tried. Follow your heart and do what you have to do, i know it is easier said than done but then once it is done you would be relieved, and that my friend is one of the best feeling in this whole wide world.

You know "When it is over, its over". You would not get a chance to speak your heart out and even if you get that the other person wouldn't care listening to it how much ever emotions you put into it. So say what you have to, when you have to and trust me there is nothing such as a write time. If you wait for time but it would certainly not wait for you, because it has was never meant to wait. We may feel sad when things turn ugly and not to our expectations bu then we certainly are to blame some way or other, it just like you can't just clap with a single hand (Yes, i know some of you can, please register yourself with the Guinness Books). We may fail in our attempts bu then isn't it the attempts that keep us going, the idea of failure has always kept even the greatest of all people at bay, but the triumph has been at foot steps for those who tried hard and understood where they went wrong. Change and improvement is not random, they may seem to be random but then there is always a plan to that.

So my dear Husbands give your wives a surprise gift today, buy her flowers, give her a hug, take her out for a drive and tell her that you love her so much and that she is the "love of your life". Wives get ready and knock your better halves down, bowl them over with that cute smile and that warm kiss that he has always wanted when he came home from work, cook something special for him, put on candles and make him wish, tell him that he is the support that you had always craved for. And certainly to the young couples out there, surprise your partner with something that they would never believe that you did for them, put some gifts in every corner of their rooms, giggle with them, fool around just make them laugh. Reach out to them, because how so ever busy they may be everyone loves to get a surprise. Tell them how you feel for them, good, bad  -worst and how you feel in love with them and why you are still crazy about them, because You know "When it is over, its over". 

Mail me your thoughts at wehelprelations@gmail.com and i would be more than happy to glance through them. All comments and criticism are well appreciated, we don't mind that. So just pen it down here.

Relationship - A simple thing complex in nature

Relations- a word used by all of us every goddamn time when we think of people; and by far we all only think about people. Intangible things take a backseat when compared to people. 

It is said that it s easier to make a living rather than making a fruitful relationship. You must know exactly know the right amount of ingredients to make up your imperfectly perfect relationship; where less can make it tasteless and more can make it sour.

We in all our day to day chores somehow are entangled in this vicious circle of relationship management- a)it may be your girlfriend who thinks she had enough of your crap talks and little love b) may be a boyfriend who is fed up from his over the top possessive girl c) a boss that doesn't let you do your thing d) all the more your so called annoying parents asking you to get married e) when your are not happy with what you are doing and want a desperate change. Where do you go, what do you do. There is this question that everyone asks himself/herself who to ask for advice. Bluntly speaking you go to your near n dear ones whom you love- your friends. Now they do share your thought process and give you an advice but then they mix up their own emotions unknowingly to your already screwed up relation. The bigger thing is that we guys listen to them, out of love and respect of their opinion. Now that's where the trouble starts. Juggling different thought processes ain't easy and you get held up. Once you are caught off-guard you are meant to be doomed. 

So now the question remains that So how exactly do you judge when it is more and when it's less and where to go for the answers to the daily troubled relations that we are having  and facing.

Write to me: wehelprelations@gmail.com, we may be of good help to you guys.