Do you want to make your relationship work- then make "Time"

Every one wants to be in a relationship and trust me everyone wants that relationship to work. The point is that though we all still want it and want to make it work but then why do things go haywire sometimes and still we want to make things better, relationship tends to get more worse. We put in a lot of effort to make it work then why does relationship tend to fall apart, have you ever thought of the logic, i guess not. The fundamental to making things work in a relationship is time. What ever may be the scenario one requires time to grow in and out of a relation.

Now even though we love our partner with all the love that we have, still after some time things in a relation tend to fall apart and things start to change and they are not like they used to be. These things happen even to the best of the best and to the worst of the worst, the only difference is that some find the trouble in the start, some in the middle and some towards the closure. Many people want to understand the concept of "Time" in a relationship, even thought they are very well aware of its' importance. Some times things which are simpler may be very difficult to comprehend and implement and that is the story with "Time". When we have it, we don't care for it and when we are short of it we crave for it. That has always been the tragic part with time. Relationship blossom only with time, mature only with time and last long only with time. So let's understand the concept of time in a little detail.

I love her so much and have expressed it to her and we both love each other but still we don't know what is going wrong?? The reason to it is that we don't provide ourselves with time to think, we are always in a hurry when it comes to love and relationship. The results  should be instantaneous. The less the time taken, more dramatic and drastic are the results . We may be happy for some time but then we eventually land ourselves in a soup. When i want to make my relationship work i should give ample time to my partner to decide on the things he/she wants and myself take time to comprehend the situation. But we tend to actually cut the crap out of the situation and just let the things go bye, usually we tend to say that what you said is right and we just want that conversation to come to a closure. That's our habit and that's perfectly human. We never give time to understand what the other person might be going through and the turmoil he/she is suffering. We are eager to put miseries to rest and start afresh, because there is a lot about love to catch to. That's were we go miserably incorrect, though we may put things at rest that time, but that pile starts forming and one day that pile becomes big enough to bury you deep down. So what to do, I have a few suggestions to make may be these can be of help:

1. Start Texting, when ever you have the time: When I say start texting means limited texts, doesn't mean that you are onto being an SMS provider, where in u just start messaging day in and day out 24 X 7. Just some times and make the other person feel special. Special remains special when done in limit, over doing things make them irritated and agitated.
2. Start spending some time alone: When i say start spending time alone, means just you two and no one else, no BGF, no BBF alongside as a side dish. Go out for a walk, go for a quiet evening, spend time together, start valuing that time spent. Discuss what you want to do and what u don't.
3. Show giving importance: Importance here means start treating them as if they are the one you are listening to and choose them over others at times when you think you need to show love and care. Don't just go on giving over importance and be a pain in his/her bum. This would suck real big time, show them that they are important when it needs to be shown.
4. Start giving space: Understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean that you own that person, let him/ her have their own personal space and you have your own. It may be taking out time for your friends, or she going to a parlor or going out with her gang of girls. Give space, give room for their feelings and understand that there are times when the other person wants to be left alone and he/ she wants to remain with himself/  herself. Don't barge into that
5. Don't act like a bodyguard, act like a shadow: No one wants you to tell the other how to act and what to do and what not to, understand that we all are grown up and we can think, unless we have proven our stupidity and the fact that we are dumb, try not to act like a bodyguard, there would be some time when you are required to flex your muscles, do it then. Behave like a shadow, just be with your loved one in thoughts and just let them know that you are there when things go wrong.
6. When in trouble, give time and love- don't ask questions: When things go wrong just don't start asking why did u do it, i told you not to, see what happened, i knew this would happen. Please you are not helping the cause either, just show your love and affection, what the person requires is support and time to realize what went wrong.

Understandably all the above mentioned things are related to time, some way or the other. When we stop expecting people to be perfect, we can start loving them for who they are and arguably to develop this thing all we need is time.

Relationship Fall Out - A Heartbreak- How to cope up??

Now a days the probability of a relationship falling apart has increased many folds due to number of reasons and differences that have creeped between the genders and which i have been constantly taking about in my trailing posts. Still there are people who are left with heart breaks and heart aches; which are too difficult to handle and cope with. It's not that we don't want to come out of them but then situations become such that we are left with hardly any choices. I find so may unmarried and married couples now a days having a great trouble n managing the relationship fall out. It's just that they become clueless of what to do and how to handle the issues pertaining to that. Let's understand the situation completely from start to the very end and try and establish a way to tackle such issues; though the application of the solution may tend to change according to your present situation.

We all know for a fact that all times can't be good times, but then we still believe that individually we are having the worst time that any one could ever face in a relationship fall out. Now that to start with, is our first mistake by far and which sets other things in motion. Let's first of all consider the following points before we jump to the end in a fall-out.

1. It certainly is not only our fault - it's a mutual mistake or a misunderstanding

2. The relationship has not changed over night - the situation was there earlier as well; it's just that we never saw it or felt it to be so serious

3. It's not that it has just happened to you in the whole wide world  - you are certainly not the first to end up with a broken relationship, so stop having pity on yourself

4. Just don't jump to conclusions; there is already a lot happening in your mind - try avoiding being a little judge mental for some time, let things settle down and then make conclusions.

5. Don't just start bitching about your ex - specially guys stop telling your friends what you did and what you didn't and girls please stop comparisons. The situation calls for an emotional burst but then you don't want to sound creepy to people around you.

6. And finally stop putting too much pressure on yourself - Trust me nothing changes if you stop eating or just lock your self up; you just end up tormenting yourself.

Now considering the aforesaid points which we most usually do; we tend to emotionally sabotage ourselves and people around us without even understanding that things won't change because of this. We need to understand one good point for this fall-out; that things just don't work out all the time and that too that easy. Relationship involves a lot of input, when the output is a breakdown, we tend to think over the input we gave in rather than focusing on overcoming the breakdown.

When a relationship falls apart, people stick to this age old saying that time would actually heal up everything and god would certainly have had something good in his mind before putting you through this. I say that this is just a saying which has nothing to do with the healing of your relationship wound. What I personally believe is that "It's not the time that helps you heal from a relationship wound, but what you do with that time during a relationship break down". What we plan on doing in that time is what helps us in overcoming that relationship crisis and makes us emotionally level again; where in we are fit and ready to move on to a next relationship. Now this is a methodology that i call "  The Rediscovery Period". This period is very important for a person who has had a fall-out, because he/she needs time for themselves to cope up with that break down. Usually people tend to go out with their friends, relatives and family and do those crazy things that they always wanted to do which they couldn't while they were tied up in a relationship.

You know we sometimes tend to forget to look on the bright side of the break down, it actually transcribes into a newer self belief and freedom that we had always craved for and we always missed, it lets us be who we are and that is what we forget when we are in a relationship. Believe me or not we tend to change when we enter into a relationship set up and that's normal but then what's not normal is the way we operate - that's when we step into trouble. Actually we all are very selfish people, we just want all the good to happen to us and when trouble steps its feet in our lives we start to blame. So the long and the short of the story is that we all need to see the larger perspective in our relationship, how can fall-out be so bad with a person whom we were completely in love with a while ago, things tend to change but then we need to handle change in a manner that we don't hurt ourselves and others whom we used to love. Communicating your feelings never hurts, if you choose the right time and the moment and if you don't then stay put for a fall-out.

Don't just waste time - Say what you have to Say!!!

The ironic thing about a relationship is that we never actually realize the importance of that before it is over or on the verge of getting over - funny isn't it. We all actually have the tendency to save all our talks for the last, thinking that we might be the one ending the relationship on higher grounds giving a moral boost to our ego which we generally treat as an act of selflessness.

To add to that we keep on remembering the times we had together and what all we did and then last by certainly not the least our human tendency to compare ourselves and then sob over what has happened. Yeah that's what is the truth, believe it or not we feel bad sometimes of what happened and think that we may have changed things and what could have ended up nicely was screwed. Not to mention to the fact that everything that ends, is actually screwed. But then where were we when things were going out of proportions and why didn't we take counter measures??? Now this is a question that would take some doing to answer it.

To put it in simple words we never really think that the situation has blown out of proportion and we certainly mind our heart and mind by saying that things are good its just a mere glitch. We simply overlook the things happening around and try to be happy and in that trying we loose out what we actually stood for. We believe that people would understand us or the our relationship partner would fully know what to do and would completely know what is going through our mind. Technically and scientifically he/she doesn't ever know- this is what i call "The Relationship Bubble". He may try and understand the situation but then he can never be you- can he??? The perfection in relationships only come in fairy tales, but in the real world we ought to do something to make it sound perfect. You have to tell the other person what you feel, he is no god darn alien to understand what you are going through. Guys we are a complex beings with emotions that vary from one to a million, so just let the other person know what you are feeling, things won't change until you communicate. By not saying you would just make things even more worse, because we all comprehend situations differently.

Now Coming back to the question; now what are we supposed to do. To be frank enough i have realized over a period of time that there is nothing called as a perfect time, you have got to say what you want to say when you get a chance. I know the right chance is hard to come but then you can't just wait for time to slip by and then repent and use the most obnoxious word in the English dictionary "If" to actually clam yourselves down and justify your position. I say why don't just actually use the time that we have at our disposal to actually portray what we feel for the other. Time is never right, it never was, it is just a mental blockage that we have that we may actually see win in a definitive situation. It's just that we are too afraid of loosing, loosing some one we care for, we love and feel for. That is just fine i have no qualms about it but then you might end up loosing that person forever just waiting for the right time. Don't waste your time - just say what you have to say, at last you would be happy for the fact that you actually tried. Follow your heart and do what you have to do, i know it is easier said than done but then once it is done you would be relieved, and that my friend is one of the best feeling in this whole wide world.

You know "When it is over, its over". You would not get a chance to speak your heart out and even if you get that the other person wouldn't care listening to it how much ever emotions you put into it. So say what you have to, when you have to and trust me there is nothing such as a write time. If you wait for time but it would certainly not wait for you, because it has was never meant to wait. We may feel sad when things turn ugly and not to our expectations bu then we certainly are to blame some way or other, it just like you can't just clap with a single hand (Yes, i know some of you can, please register yourself with the Guinness Books). We may fail in our attempts bu then isn't it the attempts that keep us going, the idea of failure has always kept even the greatest of all people at bay, but the triumph has been at foot steps for those who tried hard and understood where they went wrong. Change and improvement is not random, they may seem to be random but then there is always a plan to that.

So my dear Husbands give your wives a surprise gift today, buy her flowers, give her a hug, take her out for a drive and tell her that you love her so much and that she is the "love of your life". Wives get ready and knock your better halves down, bowl them over with that cute smile and that warm kiss that he has always wanted when he came home from work, cook something special for him, put on candles and make him wish, tell him that he is the support that you had always craved for. And certainly to the young couples out there, surprise your partner with something that they would never believe that you did for them, put some gifts in every corner of their rooms, giggle with them, fool around just make them laugh. Reach out to them, because how so ever busy they may be everyone loves to get a surprise. Tell them how you feel for them, good, bad  -worst and how you feel in love with them and why you are still crazy about them, because You know "When it is over, its over". 

Mail me your thoughts at wehelprelations@gmail.com and i would be more than happy to glance through them. All comments and criticism are well appreciated, we don't mind that. So just pen it down here.