Love Lost in a Relationship

Most of us have this trouble, that we start feeling that all love is lost in our relationship at some point of time in the tenure of our relationship with our companion. This is actually a tricky feeling to have, which can actually cause you to be over cautious, overprotective and highly demanding. It’s not that it’s not a good feeling to have but the problem is that this starts small and grows up to become a big issue. Loss is always accompanied by grief, sorrow and comparison from your present state to the past. Love Lost is mostly a common phenomenon now a days as we have become so mobile that we have loads of things that we have to look up to – a social media life, a personal life, a professional life, a companion life, a friend’s life that we hardly have time to juggle between all of them. We have to be physically or digitally be present everywhere, so that we have a grasp of everything. We don't want to lose out on anything; we always want to be the part of the action.

Now when we have all these things to take care, we somehow tend to put our relationship aside quiet for some time, thinking that our partner would understand the issue of time management and the commitments that we have. We just want them to understand that though we love them, care for them we still are busy. Sometimes they do tend to understand but when this becomes a phenomenon for quite some time, now this is when the problem of Love Lost starts to creep in. We start to have these assumptions that may be our companion is not interested in us or maybe he/she is seeing someone else. This gives rise to fear and that creates a way for insecurity to creep into our relationships. Insecurity causes unwanted tension, strain and over demanding attitude from us. We start changing from the loving and caring companion to someone who is always thinking on the aspect as to what is our partner doing and we start constantly breathing down his neck. We start suspecting his actions and behavior and to top that if things are not working on well between the two of you which are not, the situation is getting worse. You start getting irritated at some little things, which you never used to care about earlier and you start treating yourself as the boss and start dictating terms. 

The most important part of this problem is that after all these things happen, you start to compare the situations now and before, which leads to creation of a void between you and your companion which are unaware of. This usually leads to cranky fights and you getting pissed off even at jokes or sometimes irrational behavior as well. The fights now become an integral part of your daily routine with you and your partner. On the other hand your partner is unable to understand the turmoil that you are going through reason being because it is all buried deep within you which you also don't know. Even though we try to sort things out it usually doesn't work because these things have got imbibed in us for the amount of time we have spent thinking on them. To top all these things, the worst part is yet to come and when the situations grow out of bounds, you start thinking why at the first place did we even enter into a relationship and trust me when I say this; this is not the situation that you want to be into. This situation only brings out the worst in anyone. We start fighting and we unintentionally hurt the person we have loved with all the might just for some silly reasons and we just want to put our relationship to the grave.

Situations always grow out of bounds in Love Lost Situations and we hardly know about this. We become so impermeable that we even don't understand the irrationality behind our actions. We just keep on acting because of the fear of losing our loved ones. We should ideally be the ones talking all the time about our relationships with our companion and trust me only talking does not do anything. We need to show our love and care for the ones we actually do. Keeping our emotions and feelings to ourselves we can't justify the fact that our companion didn't understand us. We are very different people when we get into this Zone of Love Lost, we entirely change to someone we even don't know. 

So it is better that we should speak out our emotions and make our companion realize that we require love and affection and if there are sentiments and love in your relationship the tide would again turn to your end; you would be riding the wave rather than trying to escape it. We should learn one very good attribute for man’s best friend-a dog, that when we require attention, care and love just cuddle around your loved one. That involuntary hug would say a thousand words and would portray all your love. That one thing could change things for you, be the ones to initiate these talks and start taking action, start showing your emotions rather than sitting with fear of losing your loved one. What matters is what you do to show your love, leave the rest to time.

Do you want to make your relationship work- then make "Time"

Every one wants to be in a relationship and trust me everyone wants that relationship to work. The point is that though we all still want it and want to make it work but then why do things go haywire sometimes and still we want to make things better, relationship tends to get more worse. We put in a lot of effort to make it work then why does relationship tend to fall apart, have you ever thought of the logic, i guess not. The fundamental to making things work in a relationship is time. What ever may be the scenario one requires time to grow in and out of a relation.

Now even though we love our partner with all the love that we have, still after some time things in a relation tend to fall apart and things start to change and they are not like they used to be. These things happen even to the best of the best and to the worst of the worst, the only difference is that some find the trouble in the start, some in the middle and some towards the closure. Many people want to understand the concept of "Time" in a relationship, even thought they are very well aware of its' importance. Some times things which are simpler may be very difficult to comprehend and implement and that is the story with "Time". When we have it, we don't care for it and when we are short of it we crave for it. That has always been the tragic part with time. Relationship blossom only with time, mature only with time and last long only with time. So let's understand the concept of time in a little detail.

I love her so much and have expressed it to her and we both love each other but still we don't know what is going wrong?? The reason to it is that we don't provide ourselves with time to think, we are always in a hurry when it comes to love and relationship. The results  should be instantaneous. The less the time taken, more dramatic and drastic are the results . We may be happy for some time but then we eventually land ourselves in a soup. When i want to make my relationship work i should give ample time to my partner to decide on the things he/she wants and myself take time to comprehend the situation. But we tend to actually cut the crap out of the situation and just let the things go bye, usually we tend to say that what you said is right and we just want that conversation to come to a closure. That's our habit and that's perfectly human. We never give time to understand what the other person might be going through and the turmoil he/she is suffering. We are eager to put miseries to rest and start afresh, because there is a lot about love to catch to. That's were we go miserably incorrect, though we may put things at rest that time, but that pile starts forming and one day that pile becomes big enough to bury you deep down. So what to do, I have a few suggestions to make may be these can be of help:

1. Start Texting, when ever you have the time: When I say start texting means limited texts, doesn't mean that you are onto being an SMS provider, where in u just start messaging day in and day out 24 X 7. Just some times and make the other person feel special. Special remains special when done in limit, over doing things make them irritated and agitated.
2. Start spending some time alone: When i say start spending time alone, means just you two and no one else, no BGF, no BBF alongside as a side dish. Go out for a walk, go for a quiet evening, spend time together, start valuing that time spent. Discuss what you want to do and what u don't.
3. Show giving importance: Importance here means start treating them as if they are the one you are listening to and choose them over others at times when you think you need to show love and care. Don't just go on giving over importance and be a pain in his/her bum. This would suck real big time, show them that they are important when it needs to be shown.
4. Start giving space: Understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean that you own that person, let him/ her have their own personal space and you have your own. It may be taking out time for your friends, or she going to a parlor or going out with her gang of girls. Give space, give room for their feelings and understand that there are times when the other person wants to be left alone and he/ she wants to remain with himself/  herself. Don't barge into that
5. Don't act like a bodyguard, act like a shadow: No one wants you to tell the other how to act and what to do and what not to, understand that we all are grown up and we can think, unless we have proven our stupidity and the fact that we are dumb, try not to act like a bodyguard, there would be some time when you are required to flex your muscles, do it then. Behave like a shadow, just be with your loved one in thoughts and just let them know that you are there when things go wrong.
6. When in trouble, give time and love- don't ask questions: When things go wrong just don't start asking why did u do it, i told you not to, see what happened, i knew this would happen. Please you are not helping the cause either, just show your love and affection, what the person requires is support and time to realize what went wrong.

Understandably all the above mentioned things are related to time, some way or the other. When we stop expecting people to be perfect, we can start loving them for who they are and arguably to develop this thing all we need is time.

Answer to " The Relationship Change" - Expectation Management

There is no perfect recipe to the Relationship Soup, even if there is one it doesn't please everyone. It may work for one and may just fall apart for the other. So when there is no decisive recipe for the relationship mixture what do we need to do?? Where to go and find answers to all those questions jolting down in our heads. Trust me every single individual has a different problem, no single solution helps to solve that. One size doesn't fit all, though it appears similar but there are some intricate differences that make it personalized.

SO coming back to where we started from- How do we form the exact recipe for relationships ?? My answer to that question would be "Expectation Management". It not a recipe but a core ingredient that would allow you to make that Relationship Soup better. I have one core ingredient and rest is up to you guys how you need to cook it.

SO lets start with "Expectation Management" - Every Relationship sits on a dis-balanced proportion of Expectations from both sides. What ever may be the case the balance never remains perfect, it would always be dis-proportionate. The main reason behind that is that we never really understand the "Expectations" of the other person correctly in a relationship. Whether it is a parent and a child, two good friends, may be lovers, may be a family- husband and a wife. 

Relationship Balance

We just start the relationship engine without ever knowing where we are heading towards. Our destinations, objectives, assumptions, love, care every other thing may just be different but then we just want to kick start the relationship engine. Speaking of which this is what i call- "The Relationship Choke Problem- A starting Problem" which not addressed is surely to give you mid relationship crisis. Anyways we are here to talk about Expectation Management. The Relations that last long, have mutual trust, respect and loyalty have actually perfected the art of expectations management. There are different modes of managing expectations which we can discuss later.

Relationship Upgrade

Expectations if set right from the start is actually helpful in evolving the relationship. Though it requires periodic up-gradations like a software version up-gradation. But like wise if u get the initial code right, up-gradation can't be a permanent problem. Not dealing with expectations can create a huge pile of problems in any relationship which actually end up sour, people getting hurt, hearts are broken, trust lost and more importantly one starts evaluating every one on a single parameter and decisions become biased.So before getting into a relationship or just jumping in to it we must set our expectations right. There is no harm in sharing expectations and mutually respecting them. Once both the parties are aware of the expectations the relationship tone can easily be set up against it. Once expectations are set right, we can start believing that we are heading in the right direction but the destination is still far and we still have a lot of  distance to traverse.

Its not that this practice is not followed now a days but then people have forgotten the essence of this practice, which has been there from time immemorial. Its just that we guys don't learn from past, we can just learn from it momentarily and just get carried away.

Mail me your thoughts and insights on the topic at wehelprelations@gmail.com. Please post in your valuable comments here and help me in understanding the various aspects.