Do you want to make your relationship work- then make "Time"

Every one wants to be in a relationship and trust me everyone wants that relationship to work. The point is that though we all still want it and want to make it work but then why do things go haywire sometimes and still we want to make things better, relationship tends to get more worse. We put in a lot of effort to make it work then why does relationship tend to fall apart, have you ever thought of the logic, i guess not. The fundamental to making things work in a relationship is time. What ever may be the scenario one requires time to grow in and out of a relation.

Now even though we love our partner with all the love that we have, still after some time things in a relation tend to fall apart and things start to change and they are not like they used to be. These things happen even to the best of the best and to the worst of the worst, the only difference is that some find the trouble in the start, some in the middle and some towards the closure. Many people want to understand the concept of "Time" in a relationship, even thought they are very well aware of its' importance. Some times things which are simpler may be very difficult to comprehend and implement and that is the story with "Time". When we have it, we don't care for it and when we are short of it we crave for it. That has always been the tragic part with time. Relationship blossom only with time, mature only with time and last long only with time. So let's understand the concept of time in a little detail.

I love her so much and have expressed it to her and we both love each other but still we don't know what is going wrong?? The reason to it is that we don't provide ourselves with time to think, we are always in a hurry when it comes to love and relationship. The results  should be instantaneous. The less the time taken, more dramatic and drastic are the results . We may be happy for some time but then we eventually land ourselves in a soup. When i want to make my relationship work i should give ample time to my partner to decide on the things he/she wants and myself take time to comprehend the situation. But we tend to actually cut the crap out of the situation and just let the things go bye, usually we tend to say that what you said is right and we just want that conversation to come to a closure. That's our habit and that's perfectly human. We never give time to understand what the other person might be going through and the turmoil he/she is suffering. We are eager to put miseries to rest and start afresh, because there is a lot about love to catch to. That's were we go miserably incorrect, though we may put things at rest that time, but that pile starts forming and one day that pile becomes big enough to bury you deep down. So what to do, I have a few suggestions to make may be these can be of help:

1. Start Texting, when ever you have the time: When I say start texting means limited texts, doesn't mean that you are onto being an SMS provider, where in u just start messaging day in and day out 24 X 7. Just some times and make the other person feel special. Special remains special when done in limit, over doing things make them irritated and agitated.
2. Start spending some time alone: When i say start spending time alone, means just you two and no one else, no BGF, no BBF alongside as a side dish. Go out for a walk, go for a quiet evening, spend time together, start valuing that time spent. Discuss what you want to do and what u don't.
3. Show giving importance: Importance here means start treating them as if they are the one you are listening to and choose them over others at times when you think you need to show love and care. Don't just go on giving over importance and be a pain in his/her bum. This would suck real big time, show them that they are important when it needs to be shown.
4. Start giving space: Understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean that you own that person, let him/ her have their own personal space and you have your own. It may be taking out time for your friends, or she going to a parlor or going out with her gang of girls. Give space, give room for their feelings and understand that there are times when the other person wants to be left alone and he/ she wants to remain with himself/  herself. Don't barge into that
5. Don't act like a bodyguard, act like a shadow: No one wants you to tell the other how to act and what to do and what not to, understand that we all are grown up and we can think, unless we have proven our stupidity and the fact that we are dumb, try not to act like a bodyguard, there would be some time when you are required to flex your muscles, do it then. Behave like a shadow, just be with your loved one in thoughts and just let them know that you are there when things go wrong.
6. When in trouble, give time and love- don't ask questions: When things go wrong just don't start asking why did u do it, i told you not to, see what happened, i knew this would happen. Please you are not helping the cause either, just show your love and affection, what the person requires is support and time to realize what went wrong.

Understandably all the above mentioned things are related to time, some way or the other. When we stop expecting people to be perfect, we can start loving them for who they are and arguably to develop this thing all we need is time.

Does One Heartbreak mean - the end of the Road ???

Guys this is one of the most common things you would come across; a heart break and the end of the love road. Now that's sad, some one else broke the heart and you have to pay for that and the one u love slip away into a shadow of individual loneliness. I am sure this would have happened to you guys, you love a girl who has her heart broken and she won't enter into a relationship or you love a guy who got ditched (but then guys get their screws right after that and eventually if the girl is persuasive enough they fall in for their charms). But today my post revolves around this girl that you love and she will not fall in a relationship with you.

We all have heart breaks whether big or small, we just tend to have them. It's just like a rose with thorns and eventually we get thorns. There are a few that get the rose but they still are few. So actually what does happen - the girls that just had a heart break how come do they make us fall in love with them. Simple guys, wine is better when its old. They get wiser and much more attractive once they have a bad experience. But that makes them even more difficult to get to fall in for you. You know they gain a lot of uncalled experience during that period. But still that uncanny ability and their out going nature makes us just fall for them, their intelligent talks, mature advice, passionate eyes and that uncanny smile makes us go gaga over them. So we tend to fall in for her, we start thinking her to be "The One" we always wanted to be with, spend time together. The problem is that they don't get your point. They don't believe that you are the right guy for them ,even though you think so -they have their reasons to think just the opposite. 

We usually start doing things for them- show them that extra caring attitude, do stuff for them which we won't do for any one else and then that feeling creeps in- you start making them feel special and then your heart skips a beat and tells you to show your love and express your feelings. And what now comes the part you guys don't want to be a part of - you commit your feelings, tell them you love her and she just says - she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She says that you are just a great guy and any other girl would be happy to have you in her life.

Now there comes a point where you start thinking when you are good for every other girl, what's wrong with the one you are asking out. The thing is pretty complex - she doesn't want to hurt, she wants you by her side still but then she has this latent fear of a heart break coming her way again, which she clearly doesn't want. Sometimes girls do say that they need time to think, but then i believe that when you loose the moment you loose quiet a bit, she may come back but then still she needed to think to come to you, it should be instantaneous or take less time clearly not ages. But most often you are left at the mercy of the girl for the sake of your feelings. You start to think then what went wrong, even though you did your best to make her happy and did what she liked or wanted. Then you start to question your judgement and your feelings. That's a time you feel lonely and have an urge wanting to reveal your emotions; you want to vent out your feelings. 

You know in all this process guys we tend to forget quiet a few things, 

a) Girls too have heart and that too broken-you know these things need time to heal, sometimes they may heal quicker and sometimes late, it's all up to girls how they go about heart breaks

b) Girls have their own fears - we may say that we understand them fully but then a girl would always have that fear of failure- she doesn't want to be involved again in a heart break - its like getting rescued from a trench just to fall into a gorge.

c) Allow time and space - usually we tend to be too fast with our emotions and block that time and space that girl was enjoying till we encroached that; she was happy with her freedom. Make her realize that you won't snatch her freedom and personal space and this my friend requires time

d) Don't get too nervy and ask things you want to ask - i know you guys are intelligent enough to ask questions in a twisted manner just to know what running through her mind, but guess what my intelligent folks girls ain't that dumb either. So stop using those twisters and don't get itchy into asking her those questions, that makes her so irritated

e) Stop pretending that you know what's best and what will work - you all know that you are no experts when it comes to relationships, had you been one, you would have never been in such a situation so stop pretending that you know how she feels and you know how things will work at her end.

You know these may be things that we do know at times, but we do them involuntarily - just like the advise, every one loves to give that before even knowing the situation fully.

What best we can do is to actually make that time we spend with her special, make that time memorable- make her laugh , make her smile but maintain that gap of making her feel special, let time take its way and create a path for you to walk together. And when you probably get a good hold of each other, discuss your possibilities of getting together. Though a "No" always hurts but its still better than a heart break.

The Emotional You - A Trouble in paradise

This post is dedicated to all the girls out there and i personally am obliged to a girl that has motivated me to write this piece, she thought i may be a chauvinist. I may not have done that exactly but taking to her criticism i am dedicating this to her.
Emotions are a very powerful tool of conveying what is boiling down in your heart and mind. To put in exact words its like a mirror to your inner self, a description that allows people to know what you are going through. Every one has their own opinions and perceptions about emotions, but trust me people are very good at giving advise related to emotional issues. They love sharing their feelings and that they are adding their own judge-mental errors to it involuntarily. Now coming to the concept of emotions; its very well known that both the genders are emotional but guys are a little more emotionally introvert  - the tendency to show their emotions in larger groups is limited whilst girls are a little emotionally extrovert. Guys have this ability to actually hide their emotions from others because of their manly egoist concept which actually says that they are the stronger ones and can't act emotionally - which guys imply as that its very girlish to act so. While girls on the contrary are emotionally more expressive, so tendency to portray the same in groups increases many folds.

Fact is that Girls/ Women/ Females are the ones that complete Guys/ Men / Male vice-verse; you accept this or not but then we crave for the companionship of one another. This is the truth, if we don't  have one, we want one and if we have one, we are always on the prowl of something better (in our relationship or out of it). That's our nature, we are like that and we are meant to be that ways, we may not start the comparisons intentionally but then they were always there. Now coming to the Emotional connect, we have this tendency to have the emotional connect within the genders and when the relation starts to fall out so do the emotions. The relationship falls out within our hearts and emotions have an exterior vent of falling - may be expressions, tears, behavior, attitude, habits etc. Now coming to this as said before girls have the tendency to be emotionally extrovert so they show it and we see it coming- don't we guys?? Guys would generally talk to their friends or would take to drinking or would go in this deep acute obstinate black hole which takes weeks or some times year to come out of. Girls come out faster and the reason is they are much eager and they want out. 

Girls you are emotionally both weak and strong, weak when you are having a fall-out and strong when you overcome that fallout. But now when you are weak, there arises a problem i call- "The Emotional You". A situation where you are helpless; you don't know what is happening to you; you have a strained behavior and you constraint yourself to all the humanly possible self atrocities. Now this a situation where you are emotionally weak and need support to gain in your lost self confidence and where you are in need of some one that can put you back together in terms of your emotions and holistically as a person. This is what i call the "Troubled Waters", reason so simple to understand when you are emotionally weak, people think that you are a piece of dead meat and nothing else and take you for granted and you let them also. Guys show you support and give you a shoulder to cry; you start getting attached emotionally, now that's the tricky part here. You now guys know that when in need of emotional support, if they lend you their shoulder their is a higher probability of them have a better chance of being closer to you in every respect. You may not understand that at time; what is going through because you are already in a emotional turmoil and you need to rectify your past situation so the focus on the current one is less. People out there are very eager to actually pounce on this situation. Now this can actually lead to a fall-out and you would never know what struck you. To forget the past you just get involved in the present without even taking notes for what had happened and what caused it- this leads to trouble - and this is problem even though you come out stronger of a fall-out.

Girls you need to understand that vulnerabilities make you weak but then you don't need to wear down under pressure. You have this rational button that you need to put on; and switch off your emotional button. People around you would always show sympathy and want to be with you through this period; but then it ain't that simple. The ones who actually understand you; have been there for you always when ever you had your back to the wall- don't just forget that. It's similar to a fire, a fire can actually burn down a house and can also provide warmth, but there is always a difference. Don't let guys take advantage of your emotions, sometimes they may do it on purpose and sometimes involuntarily but then their expectations start to mount and they think that they own you for their support, which ain't true. You require support but then that is unconditional, support with conditions becomes a favor, which you are supposed to return and trust me this return business ain't good. 

Girls you need to understand that you are required to give yourself time before letting yourself in on something again, don't make a weakness a pathway for trouble in future. Guys i know you have a lot of love to give, but my friend show it, don't ask for anything in return. Give and take won't last long. If you love her, be there for her but don't make her be with you, make her understand what went wrong and how she can correct it and then may be she can see you in the picture with her, if she thinks you fit the bill. I believe that though you guys need to put in efforts to get your love; so put in the efforts but then don't expect anything out of it (i know for sure it's difficult, but then had it been easy you would have not been here in the first place), it's just like a game of chess, where in the other player may castle his queen but then the one who wins is the one who has played the longest to capture the queen for a check-mate, because from there on the queen is all yours.

"We are Just Friends" - Troubled Waters

I have being thinking quiet a bit lately on what needs to be put which we can easily relate to that's happening around us, and incidentally a story crossed my mind, its called "We are Just Friends". I know most of you happen to know this story very well, as u may have been a part to it, or may even have been a spectator or the intelligent one giving the advice. But i just request you to read me out fully and then be judge-mental, don't just rush on to a decision or a preconceived notion. All fictitious characters here are true and this is a exact replica of what happens in the world, there are no coincidences, its blatantly the truth. The names of the characters have been chosen by me, because i like these names - pure Bollywood !!!

Now today's story revolves around Rahul, our guy and his friend Anjali. Both of them work together, and they are just "Hello-Hi-Bye" kind of friends. The story goes ahead and one fine sunny day, Anjali comes up to Rahul asking him for some help in the office work and Rahul, our guy willingly helps her finish her work. Now here starts the chemistry, from "Hello-Hi-Bye" friends they move on to become "Let's have Lunch Together" friends. Now they start talking quiet a lot to each other and exchange routine messages through SMS, What's App, Fb, Gtalk. Every thing seems to be going in perfect order, but one fine day Anjali tells Rahul she has to go home and needs tickets and Rahul , as a courteous friend books the tickets (finding the travel agents and what not).

Finally Anjali is home and she realizes that some work needs to be done at office, a project pend-ency and guess what whom does she call - ahaaan Ahaann rite Rahul !!! Rahul diligently finishes up her work without any expectations, just for the sake of a friend. Now that's totally acceptable. Now Anjali is back from her home, and she finds out that her roomie has left her in the middle of a soup and she needs to find an apartment and who else to go for help than Rahul. Now chemistry has changed from "Let's have Lunch Together" friends to "Help Me Always" friends. Oh gosh !!! Rahul slogs his ass and goes out every weekend with Anjali to find a suitable house for her, but the expectations are so high that they end up finding nothing. Eventually some time later they find a house, now Rahul has other task at hand which is buying stuff for her new house (even though his room looks like a mess, but then a friend in need is a friend indeed). With the passage of time two meet regularly, go out for dinners and Anjali's Puppy eyes and charms start making Rahul's pot of expectations boil. The boil reaches to level that Rahul can't hold it back and feels that Anjali is the right girl for him and after having done so much for her, he feels he has earned the right to be with her. Rahul's friend Karan keeps on reiterating the fact that Anjali is just using Rahul for her own good, vis-a-vis Anjali's friend Tina keeps on teasing Anjali with Rahul, but Anjali denies each bit of it saying that there are no feelings and that he is not that guy.
So now here comes the soup, Rahul speaks out his mind to Anjali and expecting a favorable response he waits for the answer, just to find out that Anjali believes that they are "Just Friends". World comes crashing down and suddenly there is flashback in front of Rahul as to the things he had done for Anjali and the return he has got. Filled with rage he just messes up the already messed up situation and calls Karan. Karan just adds fuel to fire, just to prove his point. So eventually the friendship falls apart.
Now you may come across this situation in different aspects where you just have messed up with a colleague over work that you used to do for them, or a friend that you lost because you expected too much. We must understand the point from this story that eventually if we have a balanced approach of judging we would find that we can't single out any one to lay the fault on them. It was both Anjali and Rahul's fault and may be in your case- your and your friend's fault. But the point here is how can we set this thing correct for our future friendships or relationships. Trust me there is only one way-limit your expectations and put your expectations out there with the other person, i know that its difficult to do that, but then had it been easy there would not have been a problem this big.
Guys my sincere advise to you is, start behaving like men, start saying "No" when you have to and when you want to, your doing something  for some one doesn't entitle you to have them in the way you want. Keep your hearts in your chest, don't just go on throwing them around just like wannabe's. You would find yourself a perfect match when you are ought to. Girls you got to be cautious enough not to use guys for help always. Don't through your charms at guys, they are love beings and they just fall for your puppy eyes, that help me please expression and the loving touch, those little expressions. Though sometimes its involuntary but then u need to keep your horses to yourself, before letting them drive some one astray. Strictly Only Do it if you mean it, otherwise don't do it at all. Man you have the equal opportunity to help yourselves, don't just go around for help, take it when it is required. Unnecessary help lands you in trouble and even then if you want help go get yourself a servant. Friendship is hard to find and easy to loose; but then it is up to ourselves as how we keep it. Narrow your expectations and broaden your horizons.

Don't just waste time - Say what you have to Say!!!

The ironic thing about a relationship is that we never actually realize the importance of that before it is over or on the verge of getting over - funny isn't it. We all actually have the tendency to save all our talks for the last, thinking that we might be the one ending the relationship on higher grounds giving a moral boost to our ego which we generally treat as an act of selflessness.

To add to that we keep on remembering the times we had together and what all we did and then last by certainly not the least our human tendency to compare ourselves and then sob over what has happened. Yeah that's what is the truth, believe it or not we feel bad sometimes of what happened and think that we may have changed things and what could have ended up nicely was screwed. Not to mention to the fact that everything that ends, is actually screwed. But then where were we when things were going out of proportions and why didn't we take counter measures??? Now this is a question that would take some doing to answer it.

To put it in simple words we never really think that the situation has blown out of proportion and we certainly mind our heart and mind by saying that things are good its just a mere glitch. We simply overlook the things happening around and try to be happy and in that trying we loose out what we actually stood for. We believe that people would understand us or the our relationship partner would fully know what to do and would completely know what is going through our mind. Technically and scientifically he/she doesn't ever know- this is what i call "The Relationship Bubble". He may try and understand the situation but then he can never be you- can he??? The perfection in relationships only come in fairy tales, but in the real world we ought to do something to make it sound perfect. You have to tell the other person what you feel, he is no god darn alien to understand what you are going through. Guys we are a complex beings with emotions that vary from one to a million, so just let the other person know what you are feeling, things won't change until you communicate. By not saying you would just make things even more worse, because we all comprehend situations differently.

Now Coming back to the question; now what are we supposed to do. To be frank enough i have realized over a period of time that there is nothing called as a perfect time, you have got to say what you want to say when you get a chance. I know the right chance is hard to come but then you can't just wait for time to slip by and then repent and use the most obnoxious word in the English dictionary "If" to actually clam yourselves down and justify your position. I say why don't just actually use the time that we have at our disposal to actually portray what we feel for the other. Time is never right, it never was, it is just a mental blockage that we have that we may actually see win in a definitive situation. It's just that we are too afraid of loosing, loosing some one we care for, we love and feel for. That is just fine i have no qualms about it but then you might end up loosing that person forever just waiting for the right time. Don't waste your time - just say what you have to say, at last you would be happy for the fact that you actually tried. Follow your heart and do what you have to do, i know it is easier said than done but then once it is done you would be relieved, and that my friend is one of the best feeling in this whole wide world.

You know "When it is over, its over". You would not get a chance to speak your heart out and even if you get that the other person wouldn't care listening to it how much ever emotions you put into it. So say what you have to, when you have to and trust me there is nothing such as a write time. If you wait for time but it would certainly not wait for you, because it has was never meant to wait. We may feel sad when things turn ugly and not to our expectations bu then we certainly are to blame some way or other, it just like you can't just clap with a single hand (Yes, i know some of you can, please register yourself with the Guinness Books). We may fail in our attempts bu then isn't it the attempts that keep us going, the idea of failure has always kept even the greatest of all people at bay, but the triumph has been at foot steps for those who tried hard and understood where they went wrong. Change and improvement is not random, they may seem to be random but then there is always a plan to that.

So my dear Husbands give your wives a surprise gift today, buy her flowers, give her a hug, take her out for a drive and tell her that you love her so much and that she is the "love of your life". Wives get ready and knock your better halves down, bowl them over with that cute smile and that warm kiss that he has always wanted when he came home from work, cook something special for him, put on candles and make him wish, tell him that he is the support that you had always craved for. And certainly to the young couples out there, surprise your partner with something that they would never believe that you did for them, put some gifts in every corner of their rooms, giggle with them, fool around just make them laugh. Reach out to them, because how so ever busy they may be everyone loves to get a surprise. Tell them how you feel for them, good, bad  -worst and how you feel in love with them and why you are still crazy about them, because You know "When it is over, its over". 

Mail me your thoughts at wehelprelations@gmail.com and i would be more than happy to glance through them. All comments and criticism are well appreciated, we don't mind that. So just pen it down here.