One Sided Love - A Half Love Story

How many times have you been through a feeling where you love a person and that person doesn't love you back and when you are ready to do anything for their attention, their expression and their affection to you. Trust me you are not at all alone, there are people to keep you in good company. This is something that you would have come up with time and again, either with yourself or with your set of friends. This is a really a weird feeling to have, where you are ready to give in your time, money and most important of all your feelings to a single person. Weird isn't it?? Yeah rite, it is and you would now feel quite stupid to have done all that. We all do feel funny when we realize what stupidity we all did, but trust me this was the foreground where we learnt quite a lot about feelings and relationships and the factors governing them.

To be frank it isn't that bad a feeling to have, you tend to fall for the person who doesn't love you back maybe due to the lack of attention he/she pays to you and actually doesn't realize your existence until someone tells them that you too exist. It is a tendency to love the things that are out of your reach and the ones that don't give you that attention you seek. It becomes an impulse for you to have them in your life. It all starts with hate and then that hate actually changes into a form of negative love kinda feeling and then you start to feel weird. Weird in a way that you start to realize that you are actually started to fall for that person you were supposed to hate. You start to see those small little expressions from them and all the weird stuff starts to rotate around you, you start thinking that may be that person is the one that you were meant to be with. You start feeling that all the things are propelling you to be with that person, you seem that all things are working towards doing that. You find yourself in the middle of a situation where in you can't control your emotions and neither can you help yourself being with that   person. Things seem far more stretched than ever, your friends start to notice that change in your behavior and that way you come across. They won't understand the creepy way you have started to put up but still there is a chance that they might come to know about your feelings if you spill the beans out for them.

Now coming to the situation where in you have started showing emotions to this other person, you start to feel weirdly good at times, thinking that maybe this is how it was meant to be and stuff like that. You start seeking attention from that person because you want him/her to notice you out of the crowd. This ain't bad my friends, but then there is always this risk of actually you hurting yourself in this process. One sided feelings and emotions won't take your relationship to a distance, it's just like a car showing empty fuel tank and you never know when it would stop working. Don't let this thing happen to you, because you would have started loving that person with all your might and shown all your dedication to him/her without actually thinking what they feel about you. Relationship is a two sided seesaw, involving two people who actually feel the same for each other. It is no good loving that one person who can never be in your life as it only takes that time away from you and hurts you badly and you start thinking that the world is over for you. Trust me sometimes even though you are with a person whom you love without any reciprocation from his/her side, it is worst than being lonely. You are lonely in a relationship and that is the biggest trouble. Loving a person who does not love you back is the worst feeling that you can have and to add to it when you come across that the same person has fallen for someone else, you start thinking and comparing yourself with that person, feeling was I not that good enough. When you have that feeling you start losing a part of you and within no time you are a changed personality and this is a thing you realize over a period of time. We have this weird ability. we all have where we think that we can make a person fall in love with us with all the attics and tactics from our side, but what we forget is that this all relationship is all about feelings and no gimmicks and one day the other person would see through this and it would all end on a bad note. We can't make a person fall in love with us until that other person wants to fall in for us, then that is a mutual feeling. It is no good loving a person who does not love you back, when you don't get that love back, it hurts real bad.

I know it is weird that sometimes when we approach someone we love we come to know that she was also the one who was madly in love with you, but was frisky about taking the initiative and telling her feelings to you. The best alternative to all the lovers out there is that please try your heart out once for that person whom you love, if he/she has any such feeling they would reciprocate and if you want to play the waiting game please be ready to face the consequences at last, i know we all have this tendency where in we overlook the future possibilities so that we can be with that person, but then as I say that time doesn't wait for anyone, it didn't for me and it would not for you. But I would still try and I say you must also try, don't let your love story be only with you, let it out tell that person you him/her and leave the rest to their feelings and appreciate their decision as well because my friends love is nothing but a thread of feelings that attaches one to the other for eternity.

Love Lost in a Relationship

Most of us have this trouble, that we start feeling that all love is lost in our relationship at some point of time in the tenure of our relationship with our companion. This is actually a tricky feeling to have, which can actually cause you to be over cautious, overprotective and highly demanding. It’s not that it’s not a good feeling to have but the problem is that this starts small and grows up to become a big issue. Loss is always accompanied by grief, sorrow and comparison from your present state to the past. Love Lost is mostly a common phenomenon now a days as we have become so mobile that we have loads of things that we have to look up to – a social media life, a personal life, a professional life, a companion life, a friend’s life that we hardly have time to juggle between all of them. We have to be physically or digitally be present everywhere, so that we have a grasp of everything. We don't want to lose out on anything; we always want to be the part of the action.

Now when we have all these things to take care, we somehow tend to put our relationship aside quiet for some time, thinking that our partner would understand the issue of time management and the commitments that we have. We just want them to understand that though we love them, care for them we still are busy. Sometimes they do tend to understand but when this becomes a phenomenon for quite some time, now this is when the problem of Love Lost starts to creep in. We start to have these assumptions that may be our companion is not interested in us or maybe he/she is seeing someone else. This gives rise to fear and that creates a way for insecurity to creep into our relationships. Insecurity causes unwanted tension, strain and over demanding attitude from us. We start changing from the loving and caring companion to someone who is always thinking on the aspect as to what is our partner doing and we start constantly breathing down his neck. We start suspecting his actions and behavior and to top that if things are not working on well between the two of you which are not, the situation is getting worse. You start getting irritated at some little things, which you never used to care about earlier and you start treating yourself as the boss and start dictating terms. 

The most important part of this problem is that after all these things happen, you start to compare the situations now and before, which leads to creation of a void between you and your companion which are unaware of. This usually leads to cranky fights and you getting pissed off even at jokes or sometimes irrational behavior as well. The fights now become an integral part of your daily routine with you and your partner. On the other hand your partner is unable to understand the turmoil that you are going through reason being because it is all buried deep within you which you also don't know. Even though we try to sort things out it usually doesn't work because these things have got imbibed in us for the amount of time we have spent thinking on them. To top all these things, the worst part is yet to come and when the situations grow out of bounds, you start thinking why at the first place did we even enter into a relationship and trust me when I say this; this is not the situation that you want to be into. This situation only brings out the worst in anyone. We start fighting and we unintentionally hurt the person we have loved with all the might just for some silly reasons and we just want to put our relationship to the grave.

Situations always grow out of bounds in Love Lost Situations and we hardly know about this. We become so impermeable that we even don't understand the irrationality behind our actions. We just keep on acting because of the fear of losing our loved ones. We should ideally be the ones talking all the time about our relationships with our companion and trust me only talking does not do anything. We need to show our love and care for the ones we actually do. Keeping our emotions and feelings to ourselves we can't justify the fact that our companion didn't understand us. We are very different people when we get into this Zone of Love Lost, we entirely change to someone we even don't know. 

So it is better that we should speak out our emotions and make our companion realize that we require love and affection and if there are sentiments and love in your relationship the tide would again turn to your end; you would be riding the wave rather than trying to escape it. We should learn one very good attribute for man’s best friend-a dog, that when we require attention, care and love just cuddle around your loved one. That involuntary hug would say a thousand words and would portray all your love. That one thing could change things for you, be the ones to initiate these talks and start taking action, start showing your emotions rather than sitting with fear of losing your loved one. What matters is what you do to show your love, leave the rest to time.

Do you want to make your relationship work- then make "Time"

Every one wants to be in a relationship and trust me everyone wants that relationship to work. The point is that though we all still want it and want to make it work but then why do things go haywire sometimes and still we want to make things better, relationship tends to get more worse. We put in a lot of effort to make it work then why does relationship tend to fall apart, have you ever thought of the logic, i guess not. The fundamental to making things work in a relationship is time. What ever may be the scenario one requires time to grow in and out of a relation.

Now even though we love our partner with all the love that we have, still after some time things in a relation tend to fall apart and things start to change and they are not like they used to be. These things happen even to the best of the best and to the worst of the worst, the only difference is that some find the trouble in the start, some in the middle and some towards the closure. Many people want to understand the concept of "Time" in a relationship, even thought they are very well aware of its' importance. Some times things which are simpler may be very difficult to comprehend and implement and that is the story with "Time". When we have it, we don't care for it and when we are short of it we crave for it. That has always been the tragic part with time. Relationship blossom only with time, mature only with time and last long only with time. So let's understand the concept of time in a little detail.

I love her so much and have expressed it to her and we both love each other but still we don't know what is going wrong?? The reason to it is that we don't provide ourselves with time to think, we are always in a hurry when it comes to love and relationship. The results  should be instantaneous. The less the time taken, more dramatic and drastic are the results . We may be happy for some time but then we eventually land ourselves in a soup. When i want to make my relationship work i should give ample time to my partner to decide on the things he/she wants and myself take time to comprehend the situation. But we tend to actually cut the crap out of the situation and just let the things go bye, usually we tend to say that what you said is right and we just want that conversation to come to a closure. That's our habit and that's perfectly human. We never give time to understand what the other person might be going through and the turmoil he/she is suffering. We are eager to put miseries to rest and start afresh, because there is a lot about love to catch to. That's were we go miserably incorrect, though we may put things at rest that time, but that pile starts forming and one day that pile becomes big enough to bury you deep down. So what to do, I have a few suggestions to make may be these can be of help:

1. Start Texting, when ever you have the time: When I say start texting means limited texts, doesn't mean that you are onto being an SMS provider, where in u just start messaging day in and day out 24 X 7. Just some times and make the other person feel special. Special remains special when done in limit, over doing things make them irritated and agitated.
2. Start spending some time alone: When i say start spending time alone, means just you two and no one else, no BGF, no BBF alongside as a side dish. Go out for a walk, go for a quiet evening, spend time together, start valuing that time spent. Discuss what you want to do and what u don't.
3. Show giving importance: Importance here means start treating them as if they are the one you are listening to and choose them over others at times when you think you need to show love and care. Don't just go on giving over importance and be a pain in his/her bum. This would suck real big time, show them that they are important when it needs to be shown.
4. Start giving space: Understand that being in a relationship doesn't mean that you own that person, let him/ her have their own personal space and you have your own. It may be taking out time for your friends, or she going to a parlor or going out with her gang of girls. Give space, give room for their feelings and understand that there are times when the other person wants to be left alone and he/ she wants to remain with himself/  herself. Don't barge into that
5. Don't act like a bodyguard, act like a shadow: No one wants you to tell the other how to act and what to do and what not to, understand that we all are grown up and we can think, unless we have proven our stupidity and the fact that we are dumb, try not to act like a bodyguard, there would be some time when you are required to flex your muscles, do it then. Behave like a shadow, just be with your loved one in thoughts and just let them know that you are there when things go wrong.
6. When in trouble, give time and love- don't ask questions: When things go wrong just don't start asking why did u do it, i told you not to, see what happened, i knew this would happen. Please you are not helping the cause either, just show your love and affection, what the person requires is support and time to realize what went wrong.

Understandably all the above mentioned things are related to time, some way or the other. When we stop expecting people to be perfect, we can start loving them for who they are and arguably to develop this thing all we need is time.

Distance in a Relationship = No Relationship; Does it actually???

While going through the records of the people in and around me i found out something that was quiet interesting and intriguing, people actually believe that long distance relationships don't survive the test of time and love. I have been in these troubled waters myself and i can't say that i disagree the fact but then there are a lot many things that need a look out before we actually pass our judgement on the same. I know for the record there are so many people out there that actually have faced this situation real time thought but i know there are some who actually have pulled it off successfully. So the question remains does distance matter in a relationship ??

Now let's dissect the problem, so what does distance bring along with it that hampers the relationship we have with our loved ones ?? The answer may be simple at times and sometimes a little complicated. Distance brings along with five major problems:

a) Communication gaps between the loved ones : Now that is a serious problem in a distance relationship. Your time of work is different and his/her work time is different or similar and you guys tend to get busy with the day to day work that you can't keep up with the other person with all the info about your life. Loss of communication leads to chaos, shear misunderstanding, at times you don't get the point what the other is making and you end up fighting over an issue which earlier was something that you guys laughed on. Communication loss actually triggers the next problem, a big one though.

b) Entry of the second one: Guys when you have communication gaps, it actually becomes imperative for the person to tell his feelings to some one whom he/she thinks he/she can trust and would understand them very well. When this thing happens; its actually the time when you should bell the cat. That second person in a way tries to sabotage your existing relationship, by providing that shoulder to rely on and when that becomes a constant support you are sure to have landed in a big big trouble. You would never know what hit you and you all of a sudden drop down the priority list and believe me no one wants that, we may shun that for some time but in the end we always want to be on top on any list when it comes to love, care and affection, don't we??

c) Loss of emotional connect: When there is a presence of that other person in your existing relationship, you tend to start losing that emotional connect with the person you love, though at times it is not your fault but then you can't help the situation either. Now all the emotional and melodramatic conversations have a different listener and would don't even figure in the list. Now things start to getting astray and information flow becomes less. You tend to have very limited info about the one you love and things start to change. You are told things after they have occurred and you probably are the last one to know. 

d) Loss of physical connect: Emotions have played their part now when you don't have a physical presence you start to feel the need to be there with the one you love but you can't help it. This need is not one sided but both sided, when the other person doesn't find a comforting hand he/she tends to start looking for newer resources and that is where you loose the final battle and the cause you we fighting for just goes down without even any big god darn reason.

e) Loss of Common Topics: Guys some one said that people in love don't give up that easily and that's true to every single bit of it. But then even if you start to actually mend the things between both of you, you actually are out run by the loss of common topics to talk on. Your friend circle is different, your surroundings are different, talks are different and more over the people are different. This further creates wedges in a relationship which are actually very difficult to fill. You run out of talks and words, you don't know what to say.. the sentences becomes shorter and shorter and you start asking those mundane questions - hows life, hows parents, and hows work. That actually makes the other person believe that you don't love him/her anymore and you don't show care.

Distance is a potential threat any given day to any relationship. You know guys even though we know this, we take it very lightly and we hardly talk about it with our loved ones. We believe in doing when the situation demands us to do something, we lack pro-activeness and that the primordial reason that most of the distance relationships don't see the end. To make the relationship a worthwhile effort we need to talk about the way we are going to handle things around us and start understanding the expectations of our loved ones. You know what they say, that "Life gives you tests not to fail you but to make you understand what all possibilities are there, so that you can be prepared". Now that is easier said than done, but you know had it been so easy we would have had a lot less heart breaks.

So does distance actually matter so much, the answer is yes it does. So should we refrain ourselves from long distance relationships, the answer is depends on your situation and the kind of efforts you are willing to put in. So what efforts are we trying to talk about here, so lets get down to business:

a) Presence: Make him/her believe you are there no matter what happens, you still would be in good books. By this you actually negate emotional inclination of the person to any body else, in this case you would always be the first one. Today technology gives you an edge to stay in with your loved ones even across continents so utilize it to the fullest, what's the fun of having a resource when you can't use that to its full potential. Take advantage to stay in the game.

b) Plan: Guys talk about how you are planning to handle the distance, your loved one would love when they see you taking initiatives in that direction and they would also feel the urge to contribute on the same, don't hesitate in being the one to start the conversation. Limited talks and overshadowing responsibilities only make your relationship weaker and taking matter in your own hands makes it strong, don't play the waiting game.

c) Talk: You know best remedy for curbing this distance problem is talk, not only through oral methods, but textual as well. People love when you surprise them, Send texts (don't send unwanted texts all the time, surprises are surprises when they are limited, over doing thing doesn't create a good impact), write letters ( now a days as well people love to see if a letter has come on their name. Talk when you have the time, even a minute counts and try and understand others situation as well before you actually forfeit doing it.It just like the way you bake the cake, right amount of time in the oven, your cake is perfect, less time makes your cake runny and more times ensures its hard and inedible. So the choose right amount of time for your relationship to blossom.

Things can change if we want them to, but then we need to put efforts. Mind it one sided efforts don't work for long, they can pull your relationship for long enough, both sided efforts yield fruits. You can't run with a single leg, you need both the legs to run the race. The pace at which each leg works and reacts actually postulates who actually makes it to the end of the line, isn't it where we all want to go. No one seems to be wanting to stay put in the middle of something and then start over again. But sometimes things happen and you can't just pull it up to the finish line, doesn't mean you are to be blamed. It was never meant to be that way, life always gives you want you deserve and trust me everyone deserves the best in some way or the other, we just need the right eye to see what we got.

Perceptions - A Tough Business

Perceptions they say is a tricky affair, you know when you form one you kind a stick to that, what ever may happen a change of heart or a change in the person himself but some where we have that idea preconceived. People may tend to change but then do our perceptions for them change??? A very big question, a hefty one i would say. The answer lies within ourselves; you know we may be rational for things happening in other lives but then we become erratic when things happen in our own lives. Just yesterday i was having a delightful conversation to one of my friends, a girl and she told me how she actually saw perceptions changing and with that the reaction of those people as well.

The thing happened when she was having a farewell party for her masters and one of her friends has just planned to actually take a shot at drinking. Her friend was a teetotaler till this time and she just wanted to try. My friend being the good friend she is just agreed to her wish. To tell you a background my friend is hard working person, a university merit holder, an out going person to the core and an occasional drinker. So when the party was in full flow the girls thought to sneak out and have a drink to celebrate the occasion. My friend as she is just took the drinks out of the bar and she raised a toast to them, hardly knowing that people were actually seeing them and as if it mattered to her. Guys actually noticed this and they were pretty much in shock seeing their meritorious and topper friend having a drink and started to behave as if this was not meant to be for them. To add to it the people just started behaving vaguely with them, which was just a shocker to my friend. You know the perceptions here played a big part, they had made a perception of her as being that nerdy, geeky and a studious girl which she was but they had actually left out the part that she also had the right to enjoy her life. 

You know guys this happens to quiet a lot of people and even i have been under the scanner some times, but then how can u actually start perceiving a person in the way u want to and actually think that he/ she should exactly behave the way you have set the standards for them. This is ridiculous, i must say utterly ridiculous. A persons should not be judged based on your perceptions, he can't behave the way you think he should. If the same condition is applied to you then you would actually also be in the line of fire. So is it bad to make perceptions???? I would say, no but then what is bad is that u actually make a benchmark from those perceptions you had previously created for that person. You can't be judgmental all the times. A person is allowed to do what he/she feels like doing, you see all can't be good and all can't be bad. So there are all kinds of people around there and just your perceptions limit you to actually not comprehend the facts. People can be good to you and bad to you doesn't mean that a person who is bad to you is bad for every one or vice-verse. You know every one can't like you, some one would definitely hate you and that's a fact. Perceptions limit our ability to make friends and be friends at times; what we should learn from perceptions is that we should actually be aware of the situations where a person actually behaves in a particular manner. Once we have that in mind it becomes very difficult for a person to actually play with us. So actually we should form perceptions but then keeping right them within our heart is very bad and we should refrain from that. Give people their own way and freedom to do what they want, don't get carried off because of the fact that they didn't behave in the way you wanted them to, this is no reason to actually shove them off or hate them for who they are. 

Same things happens in a relationship, one of the major cause for a relationship fall-outs are perceptions. perceptions that we normally keep of one another and that is what makes our expectations grow to a higher level and that is when things tend to change. The situations are never the same for every one and we actually need to be a bit more understanding and little more accommodating to actually keep aside our perceptions, actually act on merit of the situation. Believing in this thing we actually are helping our relationship ourselves, when we start taking steps for keeping it the way it is and its then when we are strengthening our relationship.

The Nice Girl Concept

My today's post is dedicated to one of my closest friends that i have had. I know he would read this and curse at me, but still i am determined to post it. So my today's post is an ode to all those boys who are actually like a girl and just don't want to confess the fact, they just want to get away with "The Nice Girl Concept". All you guys out there you know what i am talking about; don't you.

There comes a time when you become so much intrigued to a person that your  passions and emotions know no boundaries and it becomes visible to every that surrounds you in your social life. Then you have the feeling of becoming speechless and don't know what to say to shut their mouth and put an end to the discussion. Now let me get straight to the story. The story is not different from the rest but just that there are twists to the tale. So lets just begin. A guy starts up talking to a girl and they start sharing their things. Then their small talks become big talks and eventually the day calling affair becomes a night calling affair. The night calling becomes a regular phenomenon and actually then as technologically advanced age would say it changes to a Skype Affair. The guy is far and the girl wants to have a glimpse and what could technology have done better than video calling. Guy becomes engrossed in the world involving just the girl, she just becomes the primordial important thing in his life. He is so engrossed that he starts to shave away from the worldly affairs that the friends start seeing so little of him. He starts eating, living, talking in his room. His room becomes his paradise and the computer becomes his transportation medium. The door remains closed and when the friends visit by he just has his earphones attached to the computer and that lovely smile on his face, seeing his friends the smile changes it contours and it becomes into a guilty smile. The friends know about the whole scenario still they give him all the space his needs, the same story repeats itself time and again. He starts dwindling with his time and his friends just wait over for him, 5 minutes become 2 hours and the clock still ticks on. Seeing all these things go on and on for weeks friends catch hold of him on a dinner party, and ask him questions as to what is he up to with this "Girl" in his life.

So now here comes the twist, the answer that the guy has in store for his friends is that there is nothing so fishy about the girl, they are friends and moreover she is a "Nice Girl". When friends ask that what is a nice girl? He just says that she is just nice yaar, nothing much right now. So what's this "Nice Girl", nice girl is all about a girl that a guy likes, and just wants to hide right till the time he is confident enough to tell about it to his friends. Now a days people have got this thing going where they are skeptical of actually accepting the fact that they like some one, until and unless they are sure enough that they can make that public. With actually making their liking public, they actually ate taking a risk of presenting a part of their personal life which until now was unexposed. Now when they expose this part of their life they actually are putting themselves in a state of vulnerability. Vulnerability their are well aware of; they know if the things between them works it fine but when the thing doesn't work out it leaves them in a tight spot where they actually think they made a mistake and people surrounding them actually see the other side to it. So to actually to overcome these vulnerabilities and actually keep their personal life and liking separate guys use this concept of "Nice Girl". Guys heart in heart know their feelings and its not and to actually protect oneself from getting hurt or be preventive against the situations which can't be accounted for now in the present. 

I have actually used the concept myself quiet a lot and got off with that without getting hurt. It may sound funny but then i have actually been through and used it, trust me this works and you can actually prevent yourself from getting hurt or getting exposed. It may help u guys prevent a heart break until you are sure with that person being the one you always wanted in your life and waited all your life.

Does One Heartbreak mean - the end of the Road ???

Guys this is one of the most common things you would come across; a heart break and the end of the love road. Now that's sad, some one else broke the heart and you have to pay for that and the one u love slip away into a shadow of individual loneliness. I am sure this would have happened to you guys, you love a girl who has her heart broken and she won't enter into a relationship or you love a guy who got ditched (but then guys get their screws right after that and eventually if the girl is persuasive enough they fall in for their charms). But today my post revolves around this girl that you love and she will not fall in a relationship with you.

We all have heart breaks whether big or small, we just tend to have them. It's just like a rose with thorns and eventually we get thorns. There are a few that get the rose but they still are few. So actually what does happen - the girls that just had a heart break how come do they make us fall in love with them. Simple guys, wine is better when its old. They get wiser and much more attractive once they have a bad experience. But that makes them even more difficult to get to fall in for you. You know they gain a lot of uncalled experience during that period. But still that uncanny ability and their out going nature makes us just fall for them, their intelligent talks, mature advice, passionate eyes and that uncanny smile makes us go gaga over them. So we tend to fall in for her, we start thinking her to be "The One" we always wanted to be with, spend time together. The problem is that they don't get your point. They don't believe that you are the right guy for them ,even though you think so -they have their reasons to think just the opposite. 

We usually start doing things for them- show them that extra caring attitude, do stuff for them which we won't do for any one else and then that feeling creeps in- you start making them feel special and then your heart skips a beat and tells you to show your love and express your feelings. And what now comes the part you guys don't want to be a part of - you commit your feelings, tell them you love her and she just says - she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She says that you are just a great guy and any other girl would be happy to have you in her life.

Now there comes a point where you start thinking when you are good for every other girl, what's wrong with the one you are asking out. The thing is pretty complex - she doesn't want to hurt, she wants you by her side still but then she has this latent fear of a heart break coming her way again, which she clearly doesn't want. Sometimes girls do say that they need time to think, but then i believe that when you loose the moment you loose quiet a bit, she may come back but then still she needed to think to come to you, it should be instantaneous or take less time clearly not ages. But most often you are left at the mercy of the girl for the sake of your feelings. You start to think then what went wrong, even though you did your best to make her happy and did what she liked or wanted. Then you start to question your judgement and your feelings. That's a time you feel lonely and have an urge wanting to reveal your emotions; you want to vent out your feelings. 

You know in all this process guys we tend to forget quiet a few things, 

a) Girls too have heart and that too broken-you know these things need time to heal, sometimes they may heal quicker and sometimes late, it's all up to girls how they go about heart breaks

b) Girls have their own fears - we may say that we understand them fully but then a girl would always have that fear of failure- she doesn't want to be involved again in a heart break - its like getting rescued from a trench just to fall into a gorge.

c) Allow time and space - usually we tend to be too fast with our emotions and block that time and space that girl was enjoying till we encroached that; she was happy with her freedom. Make her realize that you won't snatch her freedom and personal space and this my friend requires time

d) Don't get too nervy and ask things you want to ask - i know you guys are intelligent enough to ask questions in a twisted manner just to know what running through her mind, but guess what my intelligent folks girls ain't that dumb either. So stop using those twisters and don't get itchy into asking her those questions, that makes her so irritated

e) Stop pretending that you know what's best and what will work - you all know that you are no experts when it comes to relationships, had you been one, you would have never been in such a situation so stop pretending that you know how she feels and you know how things will work at her end.

You know these may be things that we do know at times, but we do them involuntarily - just like the advise, every one loves to give that before even knowing the situation fully.

What best we can do is to actually make that time we spend with her special, make that time memorable- make her laugh , make her smile but maintain that gap of making her feel special, let time take its way and create a path for you to walk together. And when you probably get a good hold of each other, discuss your possibilities of getting together. Though a "No" always hurts but its still better than a heart break.

Relationship Fall Out - A Heartbreak- How to cope up??

Now a days the probability of a relationship falling apart has increased many folds due to number of reasons and differences that have creeped between the genders and which i have been constantly taking about in my trailing posts. Still there are people who are left with heart breaks and heart aches; which are too difficult to handle and cope with. It's not that we don't want to come out of them but then situations become such that we are left with hardly any choices. I find so may unmarried and married couples now a days having a great trouble n managing the relationship fall out. It's just that they become clueless of what to do and how to handle the issues pertaining to that. Let's understand the situation completely from start to the very end and try and establish a way to tackle such issues; though the application of the solution may tend to change according to your present situation.

We all know for a fact that all times can't be good times, but then we still believe that individually we are having the worst time that any one could ever face in a relationship fall out. Now that to start with, is our first mistake by far and which sets other things in motion. Let's first of all consider the following points before we jump to the end in a fall-out.

1. It certainly is not only our fault - it's a mutual mistake or a misunderstanding

2. The relationship has not changed over night - the situation was there earlier as well; it's just that we never saw it or felt it to be so serious

3. It's not that it has just happened to you in the whole wide world  - you are certainly not the first to end up with a broken relationship, so stop having pity on yourself

4. Just don't jump to conclusions; there is already a lot happening in your mind - try avoiding being a little judge mental for some time, let things settle down and then make conclusions.

5. Don't just start bitching about your ex - specially guys stop telling your friends what you did and what you didn't and girls please stop comparisons. The situation calls for an emotional burst but then you don't want to sound creepy to people around you.

6. And finally stop putting too much pressure on yourself - Trust me nothing changes if you stop eating or just lock your self up; you just end up tormenting yourself.

Now considering the aforesaid points which we most usually do; we tend to emotionally sabotage ourselves and people around us without even understanding that things won't change because of this. We need to understand one good point for this fall-out; that things just don't work out all the time and that too that easy. Relationship involves a lot of input, when the output is a breakdown, we tend to think over the input we gave in rather than focusing on overcoming the breakdown.

When a relationship falls apart, people stick to this age old saying that time would actually heal up everything and god would certainly have had something good in his mind before putting you through this. I say that this is just a saying which has nothing to do with the healing of your relationship wound. What I personally believe is that "It's not the time that helps you heal from a relationship wound, but what you do with that time during a relationship break down". What we plan on doing in that time is what helps us in overcoming that relationship crisis and makes us emotionally level again; where in we are fit and ready to move on to a next relationship. Now this is a methodology that i call "  The Rediscovery Period". This period is very important for a person who has had a fall-out, because he/she needs time for themselves to cope up with that break down. Usually people tend to go out with their friends, relatives and family and do those crazy things that they always wanted to do which they couldn't while they were tied up in a relationship.

You know we sometimes tend to forget to look on the bright side of the break down, it actually transcribes into a newer self belief and freedom that we had always craved for and we always missed, it lets us be who we are and that is what we forget when we are in a relationship. Believe me or not we tend to change when we enter into a relationship set up and that's normal but then what's not normal is the way we operate - that's when we step into trouble. Actually we all are very selfish people, we just want all the good to happen to us and when trouble steps its feet in our lives we start to blame. So the long and the short of the story is that we all need to see the larger perspective in our relationship, how can fall-out be so bad with a person whom we were completely in love with a while ago, things tend to change but then we need to handle change in a manner that we don't hurt ourselves and others whom we used to love. Communicating your feelings never hurts, if you choose the right time and the moment and if you don't then stay put for a fall-out.

The Emotional You - A Trouble in paradise

This post is dedicated to all the girls out there and i personally am obliged to a girl that has motivated me to write this piece, she thought i may be a chauvinist. I may not have done that exactly but taking to her criticism i am dedicating this to her.
Emotions are a very powerful tool of conveying what is boiling down in your heart and mind. To put in exact words its like a mirror to your inner self, a description that allows people to know what you are going through. Every one has their own opinions and perceptions about emotions, but trust me people are very good at giving advise related to emotional issues. They love sharing their feelings and that they are adding their own judge-mental errors to it involuntarily. Now coming to the concept of emotions; its very well known that both the genders are emotional but guys are a little more emotionally introvert  - the tendency to show their emotions in larger groups is limited whilst girls are a little emotionally extrovert. Guys have this ability to actually hide their emotions from others because of their manly egoist concept which actually says that they are the stronger ones and can't act emotionally - which guys imply as that its very girlish to act so. While girls on the contrary are emotionally more expressive, so tendency to portray the same in groups increases many folds.

Fact is that Girls/ Women/ Females are the ones that complete Guys/ Men / Male vice-verse; you accept this or not but then we crave for the companionship of one another. This is the truth, if we don't  have one, we want one and if we have one, we are always on the prowl of something better (in our relationship or out of it). That's our nature, we are like that and we are meant to be that ways, we may not start the comparisons intentionally but then they were always there. Now coming to the Emotional connect, we have this tendency to have the emotional connect within the genders and when the relation starts to fall out so do the emotions. The relationship falls out within our hearts and emotions have an exterior vent of falling - may be expressions, tears, behavior, attitude, habits etc. Now coming to this as said before girls have the tendency to be emotionally extrovert so they show it and we see it coming- don't we guys?? Guys would generally talk to their friends or would take to drinking or would go in this deep acute obstinate black hole which takes weeks or some times year to come out of. Girls come out faster and the reason is they are much eager and they want out. 

Girls you are emotionally both weak and strong, weak when you are having a fall-out and strong when you overcome that fallout. But now when you are weak, there arises a problem i call- "The Emotional You". A situation where you are helpless; you don't know what is happening to you; you have a strained behavior and you constraint yourself to all the humanly possible self atrocities. Now this a situation where you are emotionally weak and need support to gain in your lost self confidence and where you are in need of some one that can put you back together in terms of your emotions and holistically as a person. This is what i call the "Troubled Waters", reason so simple to understand when you are emotionally weak, people think that you are a piece of dead meat and nothing else and take you for granted and you let them also. Guys show you support and give you a shoulder to cry; you start getting attached emotionally, now that's the tricky part here. You now guys know that when in need of emotional support, if they lend you their shoulder their is a higher probability of them have a better chance of being closer to you in every respect. You may not understand that at time; what is going through because you are already in a emotional turmoil and you need to rectify your past situation so the focus on the current one is less. People out there are very eager to actually pounce on this situation. Now this can actually lead to a fall-out and you would never know what struck you. To forget the past you just get involved in the present without even taking notes for what had happened and what caused it- this leads to trouble - and this is problem even though you come out stronger of a fall-out.

Girls you need to understand that vulnerabilities make you weak but then you don't need to wear down under pressure. You have this rational button that you need to put on; and switch off your emotional button. People around you would always show sympathy and want to be with you through this period; but then it ain't that simple. The ones who actually understand you; have been there for you always when ever you had your back to the wall- don't just forget that. It's similar to a fire, a fire can actually burn down a house and can also provide warmth, but there is always a difference. Don't let guys take advantage of your emotions, sometimes they may do it on purpose and sometimes involuntarily but then their expectations start to mount and they think that they own you for their support, which ain't true. You require support but then that is unconditional, support with conditions becomes a favor, which you are supposed to return and trust me this return business ain't good. 

Girls you need to understand that you are required to give yourself time before letting yourself in on something again, don't make a weakness a pathway for trouble in future. Guys i know you have a lot of love to give, but my friend show it, don't ask for anything in return. Give and take won't last long. If you love her, be there for her but don't make her be with you, make her understand what went wrong and how she can correct it and then may be she can see you in the picture with her, if she thinks you fit the bill. I believe that though you guys need to put in efforts to get your love; so put in the efforts but then don't expect anything out of it (i know for sure it's difficult, but then had it been easy you would have not been here in the first place), it's just like a game of chess, where in the other player may castle his queen but then the one who wins is the one who has played the longest to capture the queen for a check-mate, because from there on the queen is all yours.

"We are Just Friends" - Troubled Waters

I have being thinking quiet a bit lately on what needs to be put which we can easily relate to that's happening around us, and incidentally a story crossed my mind, its called "We are Just Friends". I know most of you happen to know this story very well, as u may have been a part to it, or may even have been a spectator or the intelligent one giving the advice. But i just request you to read me out fully and then be judge-mental, don't just rush on to a decision or a preconceived notion. All fictitious characters here are true and this is a exact replica of what happens in the world, there are no coincidences, its blatantly the truth. The names of the characters have been chosen by me, because i like these names - pure Bollywood !!!

Now today's story revolves around Rahul, our guy and his friend Anjali. Both of them work together, and they are just "Hello-Hi-Bye" kind of friends. The story goes ahead and one fine sunny day, Anjali comes up to Rahul asking him for some help in the office work and Rahul, our guy willingly helps her finish her work. Now here starts the chemistry, from "Hello-Hi-Bye" friends they move on to become "Let's have Lunch Together" friends. Now they start talking quiet a lot to each other and exchange routine messages through SMS, What's App, Fb, Gtalk. Every thing seems to be going in perfect order, but one fine day Anjali tells Rahul she has to go home and needs tickets and Rahul , as a courteous friend books the tickets (finding the travel agents and what not).

Finally Anjali is home and she realizes that some work needs to be done at office, a project pend-ency and guess what whom does she call - ahaaan Ahaann rite Rahul !!! Rahul diligently finishes up her work without any expectations, just for the sake of a friend. Now that's totally acceptable. Now Anjali is back from her home, and she finds out that her roomie has left her in the middle of a soup and she needs to find an apartment and who else to go for help than Rahul. Now chemistry has changed from "Let's have Lunch Together" friends to "Help Me Always" friends. Oh gosh !!! Rahul slogs his ass and goes out every weekend with Anjali to find a suitable house for her, but the expectations are so high that they end up finding nothing. Eventually some time later they find a house, now Rahul has other task at hand which is buying stuff for her new house (even though his room looks like a mess, but then a friend in need is a friend indeed). With the passage of time two meet regularly, go out for dinners and Anjali's Puppy eyes and charms start making Rahul's pot of expectations boil. The boil reaches to level that Rahul can't hold it back and feels that Anjali is the right girl for him and after having done so much for her, he feels he has earned the right to be with her. Rahul's friend Karan keeps on reiterating the fact that Anjali is just using Rahul for her own good, vis-a-vis Anjali's friend Tina keeps on teasing Anjali with Rahul, but Anjali denies each bit of it saying that there are no feelings and that he is not that guy.
So now here comes the soup, Rahul speaks out his mind to Anjali and expecting a favorable response he waits for the answer, just to find out that Anjali believes that they are "Just Friends". World comes crashing down and suddenly there is flashback in front of Rahul as to the things he had done for Anjali and the return he has got. Filled with rage he just messes up the already messed up situation and calls Karan. Karan just adds fuel to fire, just to prove his point. So eventually the friendship falls apart.
Now you may come across this situation in different aspects where you just have messed up with a colleague over work that you used to do for them, or a friend that you lost because you expected too much. We must understand the point from this story that eventually if we have a balanced approach of judging we would find that we can't single out any one to lay the fault on them. It was both Anjali and Rahul's fault and may be in your case- your and your friend's fault. But the point here is how can we set this thing correct for our future friendships or relationships. Trust me there is only one way-limit your expectations and put your expectations out there with the other person, i know that its difficult to do that, but then had it been easy there would not have been a problem this big.
Guys my sincere advise to you is, start behaving like men, start saying "No" when you have to and when you want to, your doing something  for some one doesn't entitle you to have them in the way you want. Keep your hearts in your chest, don't just go on throwing them around just like wannabe's. You would find yourself a perfect match when you are ought to. Girls you got to be cautious enough not to use guys for help always. Don't through your charms at guys, they are love beings and they just fall for your puppy eyes, that help me please expression and the loving touch, those little expressions. Though sometimes its involuntary but then u need to keep your horses to yourself, before letting them drive some one astray. Strictly Only Do it if you mean it, otherwise don't do it at all. Man you have the equal opportunity to help yourselves, don't just go around for help, take it when it is required. Unnecessary help lands you in trouble and even then if you want help go get yourself a servant. Friendship is hard to find and easy to loose; but then it is up to ourselves as how we keep it. Narrow your expectations and broaden your horizons.