Distance in a Relationship = No Relationship; Does it actually???

While going through the records of the people in and around me i found out something that was quiet interesting and intriguing, people actually believe that long distance relationships don't survive the test of time and love. I have been in these troubled waters myself and i can't say that i disagree the fact but then there are a lot many things that need a look out before we actually pass our judgement on the same. I know for the record there are so many people out there that actually have faced this situation real time thought but i know there are some who actually have pulled it off successfully. So the question remains does distance matter in a relationship ??

Now let's dissect the problem, so what does distance bring along with it that hampers the relationship we have with our loved ones ?? The answer may be simple at times and sometimes a little complicated. Distance brings along with five major problems:

a) Communication gaps between the loved ones : Now that is a serious problem in a distance relationship. Your time of work is different and his/her work time is different or similar and you guys tend to get busy with the day to day work that you can't keep up with the other person with all the info about your life. Loss of communication leads to chaos, shear misunderstanding, at times you don't get the point what the other is making and you end up fighting over an issue which earlier was something that you guys laughed on. Communication loss actually triggers the next problem, a big one though.

b) Entry of the second one: Guys when you have communication gaps, it actually becomes imperative for the person to tell his feelings to some one whom he/she thinks he/she can trust and would understand them very well. When this thing happens; its actually the time when you should bell the cat. That second person in a way tries to sabotage your existing relationship, by providing that shoulder to rely on and when that becomes a constant support you are sure to have landed in a big big trouble. You would never know what hit you and you all of a sudden drop down the priority list and believe me no one wants that, we may shun that for some time but in the end we always want to be on top on any list when it comes to love, care and affection, don't we??

c) Loss of emotional connect: When there is a presence of that other person in your existing relationship, you tend to start losing that emotional connect with the person you love, though at times it is not your fault but then you can't help the situation either. Now all the emotional and melodramatic conversations have a different listener and would don't even figure in the list. Now things start to getting astray and information flow becomes less. You tend to have very limited info about the one you love and things start to change. You are told things after they have occurred and you probably are the last one to know. 

d) Loss of physical connect: Emotions have played their part now when you don't have a physical presence you start to feel the need to be there with the one you love but you can't help it. This need is not one sided but both sided, when the other person doesn't find a comforting hand he/she tends to start looking for newer resources and that is where you loose the final battle and the cause you we fighting for just goes down without even any big god darn reason.

e) Loss of Common Topics: Guys some one said that people in love don't give up that easily and that's true to every single bit of it. But then even if you start to actually mend the things between both of you, you actually are out run by the loss of common topics to talk on. Your friend circle is different, your surroundings are different, talks are different and more over the people are different. This further creates wedges in a relationship which are actually very difficult to fill. You run out of talks and words, you don't know what to say.. the sentences becomes shorter and shorter and you start asking those mundane questions - hows life, hows parents, and hows work. That actually makes the other person believe that you don't love him/her anymore and you don't show care.

Distance is a potential threat any given day to any relationship. You know guys even though we know this, we take it very lightly and we hardly talk about it with our loved ones. We believe in doing when the situation demands us to do something, we lack pro-activeness and that the primordial reason that most of the distance relationships don't see the end. To make the relationship a worthwhile effort we need to talk about the way we are going to handle things around us and start understanding the expectations of our loved ones. You know what they say, that "Life gives you tests not to fail you but to make you understand what all possibilities are there, so that you can be prepared". Now that is easier said than done, but you know had it been so easy we would have had a lot less heart breaks.

So does distance actually matter so much, the answer is yes it does. So should we refrain ourselves from long distance relationships, the answer is depends on your situation and the kind of efforts you are willing to put in. So what efforts are we trying to talk about here, so lets get down to business:

a) Presence: Make him/her believe you are there no matter what happens, you still would be in good books. By this you actually negate emotional inclination of the person to any body else, in this case you would always be the first one. Today technology gives you an edge to stay in with your loved ones even across continents so utilize it to the fullest, what's the fun of having a resource when you can't use that to its full potential. Take advantage to stay in the game.

b) Plan: Guys talk about how you are planning to handle the distance, your loved one would love when they see you taking initiatives in that direction and they would also feel the urge to contribute on the same, don't hesitate in being the one to start the conversation. Limited talks and overshadowing responsibilities only make your relationship weaker and taking matter in your own hands makes it strong, don't play the waiting game.

c) Talk: You know best remedy for curbing this distance problem is talk, not only through oral methods, but textual as well. People love when you surprise them, Send texts (don't send unwanted texts all the time, surprises are surprises when they are limited, over doing thing doesn't create a good impact), write letters ( now a days as well people love to see if a letter has come on their name. Talk when you have the time, even a minute counts and try and understand others situation as well before you actually forfeit doing it.It just like the way you bake the cake, right amount of time in the oven, your cake is perfect, less time makes your cake runny and more times ensures its hard and inedible. So the choose right amount of time for your relationship to blossom.

Things can change if we want them to, but then we need to put efforts. Mind it one sided efforts don't work for long, they can pull your relationship for long enough, both sided efforts yield fruits. You can't run with a single leg, you need both the legs to run the race. The pace at which each leg works and reacts actually postulates who actually makes it to the end of the line, isn't it where we all want to go. No one seems to be wanting to stay put in the middle of something and then start over again. But sometimes things happen and you can't just pull it up to the finish line, doesn't mean you are to be blamed. It was never meant to be that way, life always gives you want you deserve and trust me everyone deserves the best in some way or the other, we just need the right eye to see what we got.

"We are Just Friends" - Troubled Waters

I have being thinking quiet a bit lately on what needs to be put which we can easily relate to that's happening around us, and incidentally a story crossed my mind, its called "We are Just Friends". I know most of you happen to know this story very well, as u may have been a part to it, or may even have been a spectator or the intelligent one giving the advice. But i just request you to read me out fully and then be judge-mental, don't just rush on to a decision or a preconceived notion. All fictitious characters here are true and this is a exact replica of what happens in the world, there are no coincidences, its blatantly the truth. The names of the characters have been chosen by me, because i like these names - pure Bollywood !!!

Now today's story revolves around Rahul, our guy and his friend Anjali. Both of them work together, and they are just "Hello-Hi-Bye" kind of friends. The story goes ahead and one fine sunny day, Anjali comes up to Rahul asking him for some help in the office work and Rahul, our guy willingly helps her finish her work. Now here starts the chemistry, from "Hello-Hi-Bye" friends they move on to become "Let's have Lunch Together" friends. Now they start talking quiet a lot to each other and exchange routine messages through SMS, What's App, Fb, Gtalk. Every thing seems to be going in perfect order, but one fine day Anjali tells Rahul she has to go home and needs tickets and Rahul , as a courteous friend books the tickets (finding the travel agents and what not).

Finally Anjali is home and she realizes that some work needs to be done at office, a project pend-ency and guess what whom does she call - ahaaan Ahaann rite Rahul !!! Rahul diligently finishes up her work without any expectations, just for the sake of a friend. Now that's totally acceptable. Now Anjali is back from her home, and she finds out that her roomie has left her in the middle of a soup and she needs to find an apartment and who else to go for help than Rahul. Now chemistry has changed from "Let's have Lunch Together" friends to "Help Me Always" friends. Oh gosh !!! Rahul slogs his ass and goes out every weekend with Anjali to find a suitable house for her, but the expectations are so high that they end up finding nothing. Eventually some time later they find a house, now Rahul has other task at hand which is buying stuff for her new house (even though his room looks like a mess, but then a friend in need is a friend indeed). With the passage of time two meet regularly, go out for dinners and Anjali's Puppy eyes and charms start making Rahul's pot of expectations boil. The boil reaches to level that Rahul can't hold it back and feels that Anjali is the right girl for him and after having done so much for her, he feels he has earned the right to be with her. Rahul's friend Karan keeps on reiterating the fact that Anjali is just using Rahul for her own good, vis-a-vis Anjali's friend Tina keeps on teasing Anjali with Rahul, but Anjali denies each bit of it saying that there are no feelings and that he is not that guy.
So now here comes the soup, Rahul speaks out his mind to Anjali and expecting a favorable response he waits for the answer, just to find out that Anjali believes that they are "Just Friends". World comes crashing down and suddenly there is flashback in front of Rahul as to the things he had done for Anjali and the return he has got. Filled with rage he just messes up the already messed up situation and calls Karan. Karan just adds fuel to fire, just to prove his point. So eventually the friendship falls apart.
Now you may come across this situation in different aspects where you just have messed up with a colleague over work that you used to do for them, or a friend that you lost because you expected too much. We must understand the point from this story that eventually if we have a balanced approach of judging we would find that we can't single out any one to lay the fault on them. It was both Anjali and Rahul's fault and may be in your case- your and your friend's fault. But the point here is how can we set this thing correct for our future friendships or relationships. Trust me there is only one way-limit your expectations and put your expectations out there with the other person, i know that its difficult to do that, but then had it been easy there would not have been a problem this big.
Guys my sincere advise to you is, start behaving like men, start saying "No" when you have to and when you want to, your doing something  for some one doesn't entitle you to have them in the way you want. Keep your hearts in your chest, don't just go on throwing them around just like wannabe's. You would find yourself a perfect match when you are ought to. Girls you got to be cautious enough not to use guys for help always. Don't through your charms at guys, they are love beings and they just fall for your puppy eyes, that help me please expression and the loving touch, those little expressions. Though sometimes its involuntary but then u need to keep your horses to yourself, before letting them drive some one astray. Strictly Only Do it if you mean it, otherwise don't do it at all. Man you have the equal opportunity to help yourselves, don't just go around for help, take it when it is required. Unnecessary help lands you in trouble and even then if you want help go get yourself a servant. Friendship is hard to find and easy to loose; but then it is up to ourselves as how we keep it. Narrow your expectations and broaden your horizons.