Distance in a Relationship = No Relationship; Does it actually???

While going through the records of the people in and around me i found out something that was quiet interesting and intriguing, people actually believe that long distance relationships don't survive the test of time and love. I have been in these troubled waters myself and i can't say that i disagree the fact but then there are a lot many things that need a look out before we actually pass our judgement on the same. I know for the record there are so many people out there that actually have faced this situation real time thought but i know there are some who actually have pulled it off successfully. So the question remains does distance matter in a relationship ??

Now let's dissect the problem, so what does distance bring along with it that hampers the relationship we have with our loved ones ?? The answer may be simple at times and sometimes a little complicated. Distance brings along with five major problems:

a) Communication gaps between the loved ones : Now that is a serious problem in a distance relationship. Your time of work is different and his/her work time is different or similar and you guys tend to get busy with the day to day work that you can't keep up with the other person with all the info about your life. Loss of communication leads to chaos, shear misunderstanding, at times you don't get the point what the other is making and you end up fighting over an issue which earlier was something that you guys laughed on. Communication loss actually triggers the next problem, a big one though.

b) Entry of the second one: Guys when you have communication gaps, it actually becomes imperative for the person to tell his feelings to some one whom he/she thinks he/she can trust and would understand them very well. When this thing happens; its actually the time when you should bell the cat. That second person in a way tries to sabotage your existing relationship, by providing that shoulder to rely on and when that becomes a constant support you are sure to have landed in a big big trouble. You would never know what hit you and you all of a sudden drop down the priority list and believe me no one wants that, we may shun that for some time but in the end we always want to be on top on any list when it comes to love, care and affection, don't we??

c) Loss of emotional connect: When there is a presence of that other person in your existing relationship, you tend to start losing that emotional connect with the person you love, though at times it is not your fault but then you can't help the situation either. Now all the emotional and melodramatic conversations have a different listener and would don't even figure in the list. Now things start to getting astray and information flow becomes less. You tend to have very limited info about the one you love and things start to change. You are told things after they have occurred and you probably are the last one to know. 

d) Loss of physical connect: Emotions have played their part now when you don't have a physical presence you start to feel the need to be there with the one you love but you can't help it. This need is not one sided but both sided, when the other person doesn't find a comforting hand he/she tends to start looking for newer resources and that is where you loose the final battle and the cause you we fighting for just goes down without even any big god darn reason.

e) Loss of Common Topics: Guys some one said that people in love don't give up that easily and that's true to every single bit of it. But then even if you start to actually mend the things between both of you, you actually are out run by the loss of common topics to talk on. Your friend circle is different, your surroundings are different, talks are different and more over the people are different. This further creates wedges in a relationship which are actually very difficult to fill. You run out of talks and words, you don't know what to say.. the sentences becomes shorter and shorter and you start asking those mundane questions - hows life, hows parents, and hows work. That actually makes the other person believe that you don't love him/her anymore and you don't show care.

Distance is a potential threat any given day to any relationship. You know guys even though we know this, we take it very lightly and we hardly talk about it with our loved ones. We believe in doing when the situation demands us to do something, we lack pro-activeness and that the primordial reason that most of the distance relationships don't see the end. To make the relationship a worthwhile effort we need to talk about the way we are going to handle things around us and start understanding the expectations of our loved ones. You know what they say, that "Life gives you tests not to fail you but to make you understand what all possibilities are there, so that you can be prepared". Now that is easier said than done, but you know had it been so easy we would have had a lot less heart breaks.

So does distance actually matter so much, the answer is yes it does. So should we refrain ourselves from long distance relationships, the answer is depends on your situation and the kind of efforts you are willing to put in. So what efforts are we trying to talk about here, so lets get down to business:

a) Presence: Make him/her believe you are there no matter what happens, you still would be in good books. By this you actually negate emotional inclination of the person to any body else, in this case you would always be the first one. Today technology gives you an edge to stay in with your loved ones even across continents so utilize it to the fullest, what's the fun of having a resource when you can't use that to its full potential. Take advantage to stay in the game.

b) Plan: Guys talk about how you are planning to handle the distance, your loved one would love when they see you taking initiatives in that direction and they would also feel the urge to contribute on the same, don't hesitate in being the one to start the conversation. Limited talks and overshadowing responsibilities only make your relationship weaker and taking matter in your own hands makes it strong, don't play the waiting game.

c) Talk: You know best remedy for curbing this distance problem is talk, not only through oral methods, but textual as well. People love when you surprise them, Send texts (don't send unwanted texts all the time, surprises are surprises when they are limited, over doing thing doesn't create a good impact), write letters ( now a days as well people love to see if a letter has come on their name. Talk when you have the time, even a minute counts and try and understand others situation as well before you actually forfeit doing it.It just like the way you bake the cake, right amount of time in the oven, your cake is perfect, less time makes your cake runny and more times ensures its hard and inedible. So the choose right amount of time for your relationship to blossom.

Things can change if we want them to, but then we need to put efforts. Mind it one sided efforts don't work for long, they can pull your relationship for long enough, both sided efforts yield fruits. You can't run with a single leg, you need both the legs to run the race. The pace at which each leg works and reacts actually postulates who actually makes it to the end of the line, isn't it where we all want to go. No one seems to be wanting to stay put in the middle of something and then start over again. But sometimes things happen and you can't just pull it up to the finish line, doesn't mean you are to be blamed. It was never meant to be that way, life always gives you want you deserve and trust me everyone deserves the best in some way or the other, we just need the right eye to see what we got.

Perceptions - A Tough Business

Perceptions they say is a tricky affair, you know when you form one you kind a stick to that, what ever may happen a change of heart or a change in the person himself but some where we have that idea preconceived. People may tend to change but then do our perceptions for them change??? A very big question, a hefty one i would say. The answer lies within ourselves; you know we may be rational for things happening in other lives but then we become erratic when things happen in our own lives. Just yesterday i was having a delightful conversation to one of my friends, a girl and she told me how she actually saw perceptions changing and with that the reaction of those people as well.

The thing happened when she was having a farewell party for her masters and one of her friends has just planned to actually take a shot at drinking. Her friend was a teetotaler till this time and she just wanted to try. My friend being the good friend she is just agreed to her wish. To tell you a background my friend is hard working person, a university merit holder, an out going person to the core and an occasional drinker. So when the party was in full flow the girls thought to sneak out and have a drink to celebrate the occasion. My friend as she is just took the drinks out of the bar and she raised a toast to them, hardly knowing that people were actually seeing them and as if it mattered to her. Guys actually noticed this and they were pretty much in shock seeing their meritorious and topper friend having a drink and started to behave as if this was not meant to be for them. To add to it the people just started behaving vaguely with them, which was just a shocker to my friend. You know the perceptions here played a big part, they had made a perception of her as being that nerdy, geeky and a studious girl which she was but they had actually left out the part that she also had the right to enjoy her life. 

You know guys this happens to quiet a lot of people and even i have been under the scanner some times, but then how can u actually start perceiving a person in the way u want to and actually think that he/ she should exactly behave the way you have set the standards for them. This is ridiculous, i must say utterly ridiculous. A persons should not be judged based on your perceptions, he can't behave the way you think he should. If the same condition is applied to you then you would actually also be in the line of fire. So is it bad to make perceptions???? I would say, no but then what is bad is that u actually make a benchmark from those perceptions you had previously created for that person. You can't be judgmental all the times. A person is allowed to do what he/she feels like doing, you see all can't be good and all can't be bad. So there are all kinds of people around there and just your perceptions limit you to actually not comprehend the facts. People can be good to you and bad to you doesn't mean that a person who is bad to you is bad for every one or vice-verse. You know every one can't like you, some one would definitely hate you and that's a fact. Perceptions limit our ability to make friends and be friends at times; what we should learn from perceptions is that we should actually be aware of the situations where a person actually behaves in a particular manner. Once we have that in mind it becomes very difficult for a person to actually play with us. So actually we should form perceptions but then keeping right them within our heart is very bad and we should refrain from that. Give people their own way and freedom to do what they want, don't get carried off because of the fact that they didn't behave in the way you wanted them to, this is no reason to actually shove them off or hate them for who they are. 

Same things happens in a relationship, one of the major cause for a relationship fall-outs are perceptions. perceptions that we normally keep of one another and that is what makes our expectations grow to a higher level and that is when things tend to change. The situations are never the same for every one and we actually need to be a bit more understanding and little more accommodating to actually keep aside our perceptions, actually act on merit of the situation. Believing in this thing we actually are helping our relationship ourselves, when we start taking steps for keeping it the way it is and its then when we are strengthening our relationship.

The Nice Girl Concept

My today's post is dedicated to one of my closest friends that i have had. I know he would read this and curse at me, but still i am determined to post it. So my today's post is an ode to all those boys who are actually like a girl and just don't want to confess the fact, they just want to get away with "The Nice Girl Concept". All you guys out there you know what i am talking about; don't you.

There comes a time when you become so much intrigued to a person that your  passions and emotions know no boundaries and it becomes visible to every that surrounds you in your social life. Then you have the feeling of becoming speechless and don't know what to say to shut their mouth and put an end to the discussion. Now let me get straight to the story. The story is not different from the rest but just that there are twists to the tale. So lets just begin. A guy starts up talking to a girl and they start sharing their things. Then their small talks become big talks and eventually the day calling affair becomes a night calling affair. The night calling becomes a regular phenomenon and actually then as technologically advanced age would say it changes to a Skype Affair. The guy is far and the girl wants to have a glimpse and what could technology have done better than video calling. Guy becomes engrossed in the world involving just the girl, she just becomes the primordial important thing in his life. He is so engrossed that he starts to shave away from the worldly affairs that the friends start seeing so little of him. He starts eating, living, talking in his room. His room becomes his paradise and the computer becomes his transportation medium. The door remains closed and when the friends visit by he just has his earphones attached to the computer and that lovely smile on his face, seeing his friends the smile changes it contours and it becomes into a guilty smile. The friends know about the whole scenario still they give him all the space his needs, the same story repeats itself time and again. He starts dwindling with his time and his friends just wait over for him, 5 minutes become 2 hours and the clock still ticks on. Seeing all these things go on and on for weeks friends catch hold of him on a dinner party, and ask him questions as to what is he up to with this "Girl" in his life.

So now here comes the twist, the answer that the guy has in store for his friends is that there is nothing so fishy about the girl, they are friends and moreover she is a "Nice Girl". When friends ask that what is a nice girl? He just says that she is just nice yaar, nothing much right now. So what's this "Nice Girl", nice girl is all about a girl that a guy likes, and just wants to hide right till the time he is confident enough to tell about it to his friends. Now a days people have got this thing going where they are skeptical of actually accepting the fact that they like some one, until and unless they are sure enough that they can make that public. With actually making their liking public, they actually ate taking a risk of presenting a part of their personal life which until now was unexposed. Now when they expose this part of their life they actually are putting themselves in a state of vulnerability. Vulnerability their are well aware of; they know if the things between them works it fine but when the thing doesn't work out it leaves them in a tight spot where they actually think they made a mistake and people surrounding them actually see the other side to it. So to actually to overcome these vulnerabilities and actually keep their personal life and liking separate guys use this concept of "Nice Girl". Guys heart in heart know their feelings and its not and to actually protect oneself from getting hurt or be preventive against the situations which can't be accounted for now in the present. 

I have actually used the concept myself quiet a lot and got off with that without getting hurt. It may sound funny but then i have actually been through and used it, trust me this works and you can actually prevent yourself from getting hurt or getting exposed. It may help u guys prevent a heart break until you are sure with that person being the one you always wanted in your life and waited all your life.